An Ethiopian tale

[Carol Bice]

This is long, so you may not want to continue reading:

I was visiting with my son in Austin last night and he is an extremely intelligent person, so, I always pick up some new bit of information that I hadn't thought about before.

He is very credible, Vice President of Time Warner Cable in Texas, very generous and has a heart of gold.

He is also adopted and feels like he got a great shot at life because of this factor....so, he wants to play it forward. So far, they have adopted a girl from China and had gone through all the process and the expense of adopting a child from Ethiopia.

They got word that the adoption was confirmed and was sent pictures and information through the agency in the U. S. that it was all set...but, he started getting some mixed information just before he was to go to Ethiopia. He decided to go ahead and check it out (because of the culture and language barrier, etc,) only to find out that the child( 14 months old) was severly retarded to the point of not even being able to hold his head up and could move no body parts, would have to be fed through a tube, and would have never, ever have even known that he could have had a better life. After seeing the child for himself, he decided not to bring it back the the states with him after he considered all options. He felt it to be a huge hardship on him, his wife and child. And, the boy was physically unable to do anything. Keep in mind that he would have taken a child that was not able to enjoy a normal life like a Down's Syndrome, or a child that was not perfect.

Point of story: I asked him why the orphanage would have tried to pawn off this child on him. His explanation.....the people in Ethiopia are so far removed from our culture and way of thinking that they truly believe that Americans only exist to help others. They were very proud to be able to give them this child because they knew that Americans only wanted to help people in their country. What a revelation for me.!! !!! He stated that they were so sincere and naive in their primitive thinking. .... They really assumed that is what the Americans wanted.

Amazing that there are people in the world that thinks America is so great. I've been led to believe that the rest of the world thinks we are evil.

He stayed in a nice hotel, but, the minute he went outside, it was third world. The stench of their livestyles was unbelievable. The people literally lived in the the streets, had no running water, their waste was wherever they were sitting or standing at the time. He couldn't buy any products to bring home because they could have been infected with some time of vermin and they were so cheaply made...there was no use.

I guess they had seen so few white people or American's that the few they saw were there only to help them out. It will be interesting to see how all this plays out.

Carol Bice

 

[sharonbrannigan]

your story is very thought provoking and i have read and re-read to understand the impact of it. was wondering whatever happened to the child....

 

[Carol Bice]

your story is very thought provoking and i have read and re-read to understand the impact of it. was wondering whatever happened to the child....

This was a gut wrenching decision for my son, but, concluded that the only thing he could do was leave the child in the orphanage because he would never even know one human from another. I would assume that he would not live a very long life.

These people really thought the Americans really wanted their retarded chldren so they could spend money on them and help them. It blows my mind that people come to their conclusions from such a different area of thought and from their own experiences and cultures. Yes, it is thought provoking.

Michael would have brought him back if he thought there was any way to improve the life and actually give him a chance to succeed in the world. After he saw him.....there was just no way for that to happen.

Carol Bice

 

[Sher]

Michael must be torn apart having to make that tough decision...my prayers to him and his wife...
Sher

 

[TGDragonfly]

Ya thats a tough one.

Carol not all of Ethiopia is dirt poor. We had a Nanny from Ethiopia that came from money. A very soft and wonderful woman. There is a large Ethiopian population in Alexandria Va that are very lovely and hard working people that are livin the dream. I have personally seen them climb the ladder, it's funny how you observe a culture climb the ladder by the cars they drive. It's not rare to see them driving Lexuses.

Ethiopian restaurants are becoming as common as Thai in DC metro. Never say the magic though, Marcy's fav.

 

[Connie]

Thanks for sharing this amazing story, Carol. My prayers are for you son, who obviously has a tender and loving heart, to not suffer from feelings of guilt about his wise, difficult decision.

 

[Tracy D'Amico]

And so the contradictory vision of America is not just here - evil power mongers / benevolent do-gooders ... I suspect we have some of the very same contradictory visions of other countries, though obviously not to the extreme your son experienced.

I can't imagine the difficulty of their decision - I admire people who have the resolve to make such clear choices when faced with something that seems to have no positive conclusion.... Your son & his wife, with their efforts to give back to the world through these adoptions, are inspiring.

thanks for sharing.

 

[elmo]

Just imagine, go across the world for a child, when there are so many in the US that are in need of love from a family. I see so many do as your son has, I admire his effort to help children around the world. I just find it sad that they're so many in the US that are left by the wayside and just wonder why... I do admire any one that makes positive choices for children to have a better life, just wonder why they have to go so far to find what is already in your backyard.

 

[Carol Bice]

Dragonfly,, yes, there are many beautiful places in Ethiopia, but, the majority live like I described. There is some money there among a few. Also, the Ethopian people tend to be a pretty race and have a little different look.

As far as getting an adopted child from the U. S.....I can't speak for their reasoning, except to say Michael is a world traveler and has studied so many different cultures and has his own reasons for going out of the country. Keep in mind that children don't often listen to their parents. Michael is not opposed to adopting from the U. S., so if anyone knows of a baby available send me an email. The child would certainly have a wonderful home.

As far as American adoptions....they are really hard to come by now. In this day and age, the unwed Mothers keep the babies because there is not the stigma that we knew growing up. The few that are put up for adoption are often the result of the parents being on drugs. Then the babies are born with drugs in their system and many cannot recover from that.

Carol Bice

 

[Connie]

As far as American adoptions....they are really hard to come by now. In this day and age, the unwed Mothers keep the babies because there is not the stigma that we knew growing up. The few that are put up for adoption are often the result of the parents being on drugs. Then the babies are born with drugs in their system and many cannot recover from that.

Carol Bice

When we were told that we would not be able to have children, we tried to adopt. It's incredibly difficult. My husband says that everyone seems to think that you can just back your car up to the dock and load the adoptive children up. Not true. You may see lots of children who are in need of a home, but for whatever reason (one parent won't relinquish custody, one parent cannot be located, to name 2 reasons), there are not as many as you would think who are ready for adoption. These children and their parents are usually in and out of court trying to resolve custody issues. There is usually a very long waiting list of perspective parents.

It breaks my heart that there are so many couples who desperately want children, who can provide safe and wonderful homes, but they cannot have children. Then there are those who have one child after another, and the defenseless children are neglected and/or abused.

BTW, in our case, God intervened and sent us our twins.

 

[Carol Bice]

Connie, thank you for that post. Since, I have been involved in the adoption process twice, I know you are right about it not being that easy. I know people assume all the little children in the USA would be easy to get, but, they are not for some of the reasons you stated.

By the time they are ready to be adopted, they are usually much older and it is really hard to change an attitude of a 10 or 12 year old. The culture is ingrained in them by that time.

As a side note, Michael studied for his MBA by studying the econimics of the whole world. His area of expertise is finance. Because of him having to traveled to all kinds of countries for this degree, he really got into studying the cultures and what makes people think and act the way they do. He is a student of world finance and world culture.

Because of his knowledge, he has had many opinions about the flower industry and the economics of it. He considered buying our flower shop at one time, so, he really looked into the finances of the industry.

Sometime, maybe I can get him to post some thoughts or if you have some pertinent questions, let me know and I will ask him..

Carol Bice

 

[elmo]

Carol and Connie, one would think that a better way to the children in the US could be set in place. No wonder people go outside the states. I have a few friends who have children from DSS, they have loving family's and seem to be happy. God love everyone that makes a difference in a childs life. Just to give your time to show they matter is greatness in itself. Yes, your right about many so called parents,( that don't need to be called a parent) all a child is a monthly check in the mail.
I have a daughter that works with special needs children,some things she tells me can bring the tears.

 

[SpringCity]

Carol I'm sorry to hear that. I am sure it was very hard for your son.

I just heard a story on This American Life about a family who adopted a girl from Samoa, and the adoption agency had taken the girl from her family; telling them that the Americans would raise her, send them money every month, and give her back at age 18. The American couple just thought it was a traditional adoption.

It's a long story but they ended up giving the girl back to the family even though it was gut-wrenching to do it. They also reported the adoption agency, which angered many other parents, because they didn't want to deal with all that, they just wanted to keep their kids.

If anyone wants to hear the story it's here, on the episode called "No Map": http://www.thislife.org

All kinds of craziness happens out there, doesn't it.