How do you deal with a mentally -ill sister?

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Luc

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Nov 1, 2002
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THis morning I feel frustrated, upset, mad and whole other bunch of emotions.

My sister (Nic) called me last week to ask me if I will be the executor of will ( her friend Anne will be the first) if Ann is not around. I said sure since I am the executor of a few people.

Then it starts to hit you. Here is my sister who is mentally ill ask me if I will be executor. We talked a few minutes later about organ donations, and some of her wishes. This is the first time that I know she went to a lawyer and do a will. For a few days after I am thinking, is she alive or dead today? Few days later, I see her in the mall and a sigh of relief when I see her and I waive at her.

Last night, my other sister in Sudbury who is only other person in contact with her, phones me and tells me that my Nic plans to die anytime. SHe told my sister to let her know if she wants anything to let her know she will put a note in the will. SHe informs my sister Jackie that it will be soon. SHe is getting off her medications and she has a plan.

Is this another time she is crying wolf or is it for real this time? Until you have gone through my shoes on this one, you may not know what I am thinking today. No, you can't go to her and plead to stay. No you can't keep a virgil so she does not do it. No you can't call the police anymore because they also are tired of going there. No you can't call the crisis centre because they have there hands tied. You can't call the doctor because he doesnt want to be bothered by her threats. You can't do anything for her anymore, because no matter what you do, she will do it one day when you are not looking or paying attention to her.

Turmoil again in our family. My mom still is not fully recovered and finds out about her daughter. A daughter who battles this disease for years. A disease that consumed a life and will finish her soon.

Is it my imaginations, April is a bad month for me. A brother who dies of a drug oversdose. A brother in law who dies of a mining accident two days after easter. Now maybe a sister who we should celebrate her birthday in April 24, we may be mourning her life.

I really need prayers today...for me and our family for peace in our lives...Because of the un-known....

Luc
 
Luc SHe is getting off her medications and she has a plan. Luc[/QUOTE said:
Luc, I have walked in those shoes; very heavy shoes, slogging my way through an emotional mine field.

The first thing I learned in counselling, was to ask if the person in question, A: is thinking about suicide, and B: does this person have a plan.

If the answer to either or both of these questions is yes, then a medical professional needs to intervene. The police need to be called, again and again and again if need be.

If you need to talk to me, I will listen. I'll send you my number... I'll be home tonight.

V
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Luc said:
Is this another time she is crying wolf or is it for real this time? Until you have gone through my shoes on this one, you may not know what I am thinking today. No, you can't go to her and plead to stay. No you can't keep a virgil so she does not do it. No you can't call the police anymore because they also are tired of going there. No you can't call the crisis centre because they have there hands tied. You can't call the doctor because he doesnt want to be bothered by her threats. You can't do anything for her anymore, because no matter what you do, she will do it one day when you are not looking or paying attention to her.
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I would be a liar if I said I feel your pain, because I have never been in your situation. All I can say is that there is always the best course of actions that can minimize a risk of the worst possible outcome in every crisis.

It is not you, Luc, who should be deciding what these course of actions might be. That role must be taken by a professional who have dealt with similar situations. I urge you to call a local suicide hotline at once, explain the situation, and request the immediate attention.

It is not wise, and can be dangerous, to try to come up with the "solution" of your own.
 
I cannot fathom....

what you are going through. I have never been in that type of serious situation and cannot give advice but will give you positive thoughts and prayers. You seem to be the strong one in your family and it is a heavy load to bear. You have to do what you feel you need to do, no matter what anyone says, and stand by your decisions. You are a clear thinker and what you do will be right. All the best Luc.
 
My heart and thoughts are with you

and your family today. Our family also struggled with mental illness, tearing at the structure of 4 generations, so that there were 2 "separate" families. Even though she (my all at once vivacious and depressed mother) has passed on (from nautural causes), the split remains difficult to bridge.

You cannot control the course of action that your sister may take, but do whatever you can so that you can sleep at night. Call the police, over and over, call the suicide line, call the hospital for involuntary commitment. In the end, the worst may still happen, but even worse for you and yours to live on and wonder what might have been had more intervention been offered.

I offer my most positive wishes for you and, your sister, that she may see the love that is offered to her and that it may heal her mind and heart.
good wishes,
tracy
:squish:
 
Speaking from experience....
If attention is what she is looking for....she has done that many time over and over to us and to her friend.
DO we have to keep running toher and give her that satisfaction that she has holding us hostage when she need this attenton.
I have talked to many counsellor and they told me to sometime it is just let things go. She has lost touch on reality. Her friends and some counsellors do not run to her when she calls her suicide atempt.
as m uch as I like my sister and want her to be here forever, I really don't know if she really can ever come out of this deep black hole she is in.
Doctors, phsychyatrist, police, crisis centre have worked with her, years with her with no improvement. Sure she has good days and sometime she is very pleasant person to be with, but others she is lest desirable.
I say she is in God's hand now....
Luc
 
Luc, please know that you and your family are in my prayers and thoughts. I still have your mom on my prayer list, and I'll add your sister. What a trial for you! May God have mercy on all of you, and may He give you His comfort and His peace that passes all understanding. We love you.
 
LUC - the National Depressive Manic Depressive Association is a self help group for folks batteling these illnesses, often they also have support groups for caretakers as well. The website is www.ndmda.org I highly recommend them, I worked for this organization for many many years and answered the hotline for them locally for 5 years. There are miracles to be had there. Additionally www.psycom.net.depression.centralbipolar.html has information written by Dr Kay Jamison who is fantastic and on the cutting edge of research in this field. I am assuming from your description that depression/bipolar is the diagnosis.
Please feel free to call the numbers I pmed you if you need further information.
Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers,
Lorrie
 
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