I'm a loser
- Thread starter Dazeal
- Start date
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excess poundage
Go Girl, keep on sheddin, just don't do anything harmful to your body just to be slim.
I am behind you, keep it healthy.
The Bird
Go Girl, keep on sheddin, just don't do anything harmful to your body just to be slim.
I am behind you, keep it healthy.
The Bird
Oh..... this GIRL will go girlfriend! You go girlfriend!... seriously.. go get me a pork sammy! /girl giggle
Beth, Beth, Beth. I wish you lived closer so i could share real chocolate with you, not the candy people think is chocolate. Real chocolate is not bad for you. When are you flying out west so we can eat chocolate and talk about the price of tea?
p.s. /girl giggle
Beth, Beth, Beth. I wish you lived closer so i could share real chocolate with you, not the candy people think is chocolate. Real chocolate is not bad for you. When are you flying out west so we can eat chocolate and talk about the price of tea?
p.s. /girl giggle
lol P Bird, Dazeal is a MAN, baby (said like Austin Powers)!
Hey, I don't have to fly out west, hon, I'm due north of you in Vancouver, WA! Okay, I knew as soon as I sent that that good chocolate might not be bad for you. Thank you for correcting me!
Palms
Well-Known Member
Oh well done you!! I have to get weighed tomorrow and i am finding it soooo difficult to lose weight, are you doing weight watchers?
No palms, I just was trying to figure a way to post that image in a witty way. 
I'm chubby and loving it!
Beth.. BC!! We were in Victoria last year, next time we come up we'll stop by and say hi!
I'm chubby and loving it!Beth.. BC!! We were in Victoria last year, next time we come up we'll stop by and say hi!
So did you not loose the pound Daze??
Shucks, I was gonna ask how you were doing it.
I think I'm gonna try to diet....yuck.. my my ankles are screaming "Gorda, give us a break!!"
<<<<<<<big sigh>>>>>>>>
Time to go on a stupid diet...yuck....wish me luck, I'm gonna need it.....
Shucks, I was gonna ask how you were doing it.
I think I'm gonna try to diet....yuck.. my my ankles are screaming "Gorda, give us a break!!"
<<<<<<<big sigh>>>>>>>>
Time to go on a stupid diet...yuck....wish me luck, I'm gonna need it.....
Daz, I'm in Vancouver, WASHINGTON. This is the original town of Vancouver... that one in BC COPIED us. LOL I'm just across the river from Portland, Oregon... about 5 hours north of you.
Shannon, I hear you on the dieting. Hubby and I both joined Weight Watchers about 18 months ago, both lost about 30 lbs. I hurt my shoulder, so had to quit going to Curves, so weight came back... all of it. Groannnnnnnnn.
Shannon, I hear you on the dieting. Hubby and I both joined Weight Watchers about 18 months ago, both lost about 30 lbs. I hurt my shoulder, so had to quit going to Curves, so weight came back... all of it. Groannnnnnnnn.
NavyBrat
Well-Known Member
Hey Brandon,
Girl...HA! Don't ya wish you were hot like me? I lost 60 pounds and still have a small piece of chocolate each and every day! It's all in the calories, baby, and of course, make your exercise routine fun...I could get in trouble for posting this here...but sounds like you need some advice from a Pro!
The Act of Insertion
If the man is ready (same vice-versa)1/4 calories
If the woman is not (same vice-versa)274 calories
Satisfying Partner (organ size)
Most experts agree that size means nothing. Shape is what counts, and the man with a shaped organ can write his own ticket. In those rare instances where a man has a genuinely small member, he may have to compensate by working slightly harder, but this is good for weight loss. A man with a really large organ, while he might not have to work as hard once inside, may exhaust himself just trying to convince his partner to let him put it inside.
Normal size22 caloriesOversize15 caloriesTremendous8 caloriesTeensy-weensy163 calories
Positions
Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other)20 caloriesWoman on top, man on bottom
(Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual possibilities, this position affords a better view of the clock.)25 caloriesFrom the rear (Mysterious variation)40 1/2 caloriesStanding: Both partners of equal height18 caloriesStanding: Woman 1 foot taller than a man90 caloriesWhile in traction
(very useful during ski season)124 calories
Locations
On a bar stool20 caloriesRear of a Honda Civic38 caloriesIn a phone booth, standing14 caloriesIn a phone booth, lying down274 caloriesOn an airliner, aisle seat24 caloriesOn an airliner, middle seat42 caloriesOn an airliner, window seat30 caloriesOn an airliner, in the lavatory100 calories
Possible Side Effects of Intercourse
Bouncing7 caloriesSliding around9 caloriesSerious Skidding12 caloriesFull cartwheel20 caloriesWhiplash27 caloriesKnee burn6 caloriesChafed elbows5 caloriesChafed nose11 calories
Sex Related Noises
Short gasps (per gasp)3 caloriesWheezing5 caloriesSqueals4 caloriesEcstatic moaning11 caloriesLow growling8 caloriesSquishing10 caloriesShouting16 caloriesScreaming18 caloriesUrgent begging22 caloriesAny short speech giving partner directions
("Please don't stop," "Faster," "Just a little more" are common examples.)25 calories
Approaching Orgasm
Letting go5.5 caloriesControlling yourself79 caloriesDigging nails into your partner's back11 caloriesTrembling15 caloriesShaking20 caloriesShuddering25 caloriesTrying to keep eyes open33 calories
Orgasm
Real27 caloriesFaked160 calories
Orgasmic Intensity Scale
Expression didn't change1/2 calorieFace turned purple15 caloriesOrchestra swelled6 caloriesMagical explosions10 caloriesBlazing Sheets25 caloriesEarth moved30 caloriesVesuvius erupted47 caloriesYou began moaning in Latin60 calories
Pulling Out
After orgasm1/4 calorieA few moments before orgasm500 calories
Multiple Orgasms
For women:214 calories530 calories847 calories(Depending on greed her rate of recovery a woman can enjoy around 8 orgasms within an hour period without losing consciousness or disarranging her hair. As the number increases, however, she may begin to experience a form of "reduced sanity" that will temporarily interfere with her ability to cook, worship ,and ride a Moped.)For Men:221 calories339 calories457 calories(For a man, its a different situation, perhaps due to physiological and biological reasons. Many men can enjoy up to 4 orgasms in an hour with little discomfort except for the slight ringing in the ears. With few exceptions, however, a man who tries to achieve more than 10 orgasms within that same period is flirting with irreversible brain damage.)
Special Orgasms
Clitoral.15 caloriesVaginal21 caloriesPenile21 caloriesScrotile15 caloriesRectal25 caloriesOral
(can also occur during an especially good meal)30 calories
Premature Ejaculation*
During insertion2 caloriesDuring intercourse
(Approximately. 2 sec's or 3 thrusts after insertion, whichever comes first.)5 caloriesDuring foreplay3 caloriesImmature ejaculation
(Similar to premature ejaculation except male acts childish and throws a tantrum.)4 calories
Consequences of Premature Ejaculation
Even if you have a good heart, it takes much understanding not to feel like a victim when your partner climaxes after 3 sec's of intensive sex, especially if he immediately sits up to watch the football on tv.
For WomenFrustration8 caloriesAnger15 caloriesViolent mood swing20 caloriesSurpressing rage25 caloriesNot surpressing anger
(In extreme cases, this can include cursing, nose tweaks, and gently massaging partner's head with a tire iron.)65 caloriesFor Men:Cursing10 caloriesApologizing3 caloriesSniveling5 caloriesPleading for mercy8 caloriesBegging for another chance
(Note how unfair: Men never seem to mind if a woman has an orgasm after 3 seconds of sex.)15 calories
Possible Side Effects of Good Sex
The first indication that sex was a positive experience will be a buzzing in the pelvic area and a clear complexion. You might also feel pleasantly light, as though you were dozing in a vat of cream cheese. If sex was really terrific, you feel dangerously drained, as though your body had been connected to a large milking machine for several days. Additional reactions include:
Swooning6 caloriesPalpitations10 caloriesShortness of breath5 caloriesPerspiring8 calories
Possible Side Effects of Bad Sex
A less-than-sunny desposition1 calorie
Recovering
Un-entwining3 caloriesRegaining motor control of pevis
(After especially tiring sex, you may feel numb from below the waist to the opposite wall. The result will be an inability to walk [put one foot in front of the other], which will seriously impair your chances of going to the bathroom or getting some juice.)7 caloriesStanding up9 caloriesGetting some juice11 calories
Rolling Over and Going to Sleep
After intercourse
(Classic behavior for shiftiness men who believe they've done their job and are now entilted to a rest. This "rest" may include snoring.)18 caloriesDuring intercourse
(Women find this to be a subtle, yet direct way of suggesting dissatisfaction.)32 caloriesDuring foreplay
(Indicates either an advance case of fatigue or a serious lack of interest.)12 caloriesAvoiding the wet spot80 calories
Trying Again
If the woman is ready5 caloriesIf the man is not156 calories
Dreaming
Regular dream2 caloriesWet Dream
Add 5 calories if it occurs while in bed with your partner;
Add 20 calories if your partner notices16 caloriesWet Trance
(Usually occurs in the presence of a sensual hypnotist.)20 calories
Group Sex
Introducing yourself3 caloriesOvercoming shyness8 caloriesSwapping partners, willingly4 caloriesSwapping partners, unwillingly62 caloriesJealousy
(Partner having more fun than you are)16 caloriesMixed doubles26 caloriesBeing nice to everyone100 caloriesAnger
(You suddenly realize that you're wanted for you body and not your mind. Difficult to cope with, especially if you have a Ph.D.)10 caloriesFinding your clothes5 calories
Masturbation
For pleasure only6 caloriesFor exercise, too10 caloriesFor relief from tension12 caloriesTo pass the time7 caloriesTo avoid overeating16 caloriesTo get in touch with inner self10 caloriesTo get in touch with outter self10.5 caloriesTo avoid insanity24 caloriesTo avoid spending money on a date
(In addition to being a viable alternative to television, shopping, and binges, masturbation is a quick and inexpensive way to get warm.)9 caloriesUsing your hand(s)11 caloriesUsing your finger(s)9 caloriesUsing tweezers2 caloriesUsing an inflatable doll24 caloriesUsing Any fruit or vegetable
(Except watermelon or a sprig of parsley)19 caloriesUsing a vibrator, hand-operated12 caloriesUsing a vibrator, windup9 caloriesUsing a vibrator, electric5 caloriesUsing anything not mentioned here50 caloriesIn a pornographic movie theater - purchasing the ticket2.5 caloriesIn a pornographic movie theater - finding isolated seat78 caloriesIn a pornographic movie theater - adjusting raincoat3 calories
Typical Sex-Related Fears
Partner hates me for what I did4 caloriesPartner hates me for what I didn't do8 caloriesForgetting the instructions in the sex manual10 caloriesClimaxing too soon5 caloriesClimaxing too late6 caloriesNot climaxing20 caloriesPartner thinks of me as a sex object9 caloriesPartner doesn't think of me as a sex object47 caloriesPartner will neglect to adminster last rites should I not recover from orgasm88 calories
Personal Fears
Gigantic cellulite that shake and ripple during orgasm6 caloriesStretch marks that look like a plowed field8 caloriesPenis envy72 caloriesBody odor of a disgruntled yak25 calories
Getting Caught
By partner's spouse60 caloriesBy your spouse60.5 caloriesTrying to explain165 caloriesStuttering28 caloriesThrowing up
(Calorie counts here are flexible, depending on type of spouse-whether understanding and open-minded, or narrow-minded and armed)40 calories
Almost Getting Caught
Trying to remain calm100 caloriesFright (includes trembling)66 caloriesLeaping out of bed25 caloriesGetting dressed in one large motion300 caloriesThanking partner quickly2 caloriesJumping out of window
add 5 calories if window wasn't open15 caloriesLanding1 calorieRunning very fast50 calories
Girl...HA! Don't ya wish you were hot like me? I lost 60 pounds and still have a small piece of chocolate each and every day! It's all in the calories, baby, and of course, make your exercise routine fun...I could get in trouble for posting this here...but sounds like you need some advice from a Pro!
Calories Burned During Sex
The Act of Insertion
If the man is ready (same vice-versa)1/4 calories
If the woman is not (same vice-versa)274 calories
Satisfying Partner (organ size)
Most experts agree that size means nothing. Shape is what counts, and the man with a shaped organ can write his own ticket. In those rare instances where a man has a genuinely small member, he may have to compensate by working slightly harder, but this is good for weight loss. A man with a really large organ, while he might not have to work as hard once inside, may exhaust himself just trying to convince his partner to let him put it inside.
Normal size22 caloriesOversize15 caloriesTremendous8 caloriesTeensy-weensy163 calories
Positions
Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other)20 caloriesWoman on top, man on bottom
(Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual possibilities, this position affords a better view of the clock.)25 caloriesFrom the rear (Mysterious variation)40 1/2 caloriesStanding: Both partners of equal height18 caloriesStanding: Woman 1 foot taller than a man90 caloriesWhile in traction
(very useful during ski season)124 calories
Locations
On a bar stool20 caloriesRear of a Honda Civic38 caloriesIn a phone booth, standing14 caloriesIn a phone booth, lying down274 caloriesOn an airliner, aisle seat24 caloriesOn an airliner, middle seat42 caloriesOn an airliner, window seat30 caloriesOn an airliner, in the lavatory100 calories
Possible Side Effects of Intercourse
Bouncing7 caloriesSliding around9 caloriesSerious Skidding12 caloriesFull cartwheel20 caloriesWhiplash27 caloriesKnee burn6 caloriesChafed elbows5 caloriesChafed nose11 calories
Sex Related Noises
Short gasps (per gasp)3 caloriesWheezing5 caloriesSqueals4 caloriesEcstatic moaning11 caloriesLow growling8 caloriesSquishing10 caloriesShouting16 caloriesScreaming18 caloriesUrgent begging22 caloriesAny short speech giving partner directions
("Please don't stop," "Faster," "Just a little more" are common examples.)25 calories
Approaching Orgasm
Letting go5.5 caloriesControlling yourself79 caloriesDigging nails into your partner's back11 caloriesTrembling15 caloriesShaking20 caloriesShuddering25 caloriesTrying to keep eyes open33 calories
Orgasm
Real27 caloriesFaked160 calories
Orgasmic Intensity Scale
Expression didn't change1/2 calorieFace turned purple15 caloriesOrchestra swelled6 caloriesMagical explosions10 caloriesBlazing Sheets25 caloriesEarth moved30 caloriesVesuvius erupted47 caloriesYou began moaning in Latin60 calories
Pulling Out
After orgasm1/4 calorieA few moments before orgasm500 calories
Multiple Orgasms
For women:214 calories530 calories847 calories(Depending on greed her rate of recovery a woman can enjoy around 8 orgasms within an hour period without losing consciousness or disarranging her hair. As the number increases, however, she may begin to experience a form of "reduced sanity" that will temporarily interfere with her ability to cook, worship ,and ride a Moped.)For Men:221 calories339 calories457 calories(For a man, its a different situation, perhaps due to physiological and biological reasons. Many men can enjoy up to 4 orgasms in an hour with little discomfort except for the slight ringing in the ears. With few exceptions, however, a man who tries to achieve more than 10 orgasms within that same period is flirting with irreversible brain damage.)
Special Orgasms
Clitoral.15 caloriesVaginal21 caloriesPenile21 caloriesScrotile15 caloriesRectal25 caloriesOral
(can also occur during an especially good meal)30 calories
Premature Ejaculation*
During insertion2 caloriesDuring intercourse
(Approximately. 2 sec's or 3 thrusts after insertion, whichever comes first.)5 caloriesDuring foreplay3 caloriesImmature ejaculation
(Similar to premature ejaculation except male acts childish and throws a tantrum.)4 calories
Consequences of Premature Ejaculation
Even if you have a good heart, it takes much understanding not to feel like a victim when your partner climaxes after 3 sec's of intensive sex, especially if he immediately sits up to watch the football on tv.
For WomenFrustration8 caloriesAnger15 caloriesViolent mood swing20 caloriesSurpressing rage25 caloriesNot surpressing anger
(In extreme cases, this can include cursing, nose tweaks, and gently massaging partner's head with a tire iron.)65 caloriesFor Men:Cursing10 caloriesApologizing3 caloriesSniveling5 caloriesPleading for mercy8 caloriesBegging for another chance
(Note how unfair: Men never seem to mind if a woman has an orgasm after 3 seconds of sex.)15 calories
Possible Side Effects of Good Sex
The first indication that sex was a positive experience will be a buzzing in the pelvic area and a clear complexion. You might also feel pleasantly light, as though you were dozing in a vat of cream cheese. If sex was really terrific, you feel dangerously drained, as though your body had been connected to a large milking machine for several days. Additional reactions include:
Swooning6 caloriesPalpitations10 caloriesShortness of breath5 caloriesPerspiring8 calories
Possible Side Effects of Bad Sex
A less-than-sunny desposition1 calorie
Recovering
Un-entwining3 caloriesRegaining motor control of pevis
(After especially tiring sex, you may feel numb from below the waist to the opposite wall. The result will be an inability to walk [put one foot in front of the other], which will seriously impair your chances of going to the bathroom or getting some juice.)7 caloriesStanding up9 caloriesGetting some juice11 calories
Rolling Over and Going to Sleep
After intercourse
(Classic behavior for shiftiness men who believe they've done their job and are now entilted to a rest. This "rest" may include snoring.)18 caloriesDuring intercourse
(Women find this to be a subtle, yet direct way of suggesting dissatisfaction.)32 caloriesDuring foreplay
(Indicates either an advance case of fatigue or a serious lack of interest.)12 caloriesAvoiding the wet spot80 calories
Trying Again
If the woman is ready5 caloriesIf the man is not156 calories
Dreaming
Regular dream2 caloriesWet Dream
Add 5 calories if it occurs while in bed with your partner;
Add 20 calories if your partner notices16 caloriesWet Trance
(Usually occurs in the presence of a sensual hypnotist.)20 calories
Group Sex
Introducing yourself3 caloriesOvercoming shyness8 caloriesSwapping partners, willingly4 caloriesSwapping partners, unwillingly62 caloriesJealousy
(Partner having more fun than you are)16 caloriesMixed doubles26 caloriesBeing nice to everyone100 caloriesAnger
(You suddenly realize that you're wanted for you body and not your mind. Difficult to cope with, especially if you have a Ph.D.)10 caloriesFinding your clothes5 calories
Masturbation
For pleasure only6 caloriesFor exercise, too10 caloriesFor relief from tension12 caloriesTo pass the time7 caloriesTo avoid overeating16 caloriesTo get in touch with inner self10 caloriesTo get in touch with outter self10.5 caloriesTo avoid insanity24 caloriesTo avoid spending money on a date
(In addition to being a viable alternative to television, shopping, and binges, masturbation is a quick and inexpensive way to get warm.)9 caloriesUsing your hand(s)11 caloriesUsing your finger(s)9 caloriesUsing tweezers2 caloriesUsing an inflatable doll24 caloriesUsing Any fruit or vegetable
(Except watermelon or a sprig of parsley)19 caloriesUsing a vibrator, hand-operated12 caloriesUsing a vibrator, windup9 caloriesUsing a vibrator, electric5 caloriesUsing anything not mentioned here50 caloriesIn a pornographic movie theater - purchasing the ticket2.5 caloriesIn a pornographic movie theater - finding isolated seat78 caloriesIn a pornographic movie theater - adjusting raincoat3 calories
Typical Sex-Related Fears
Partner hates me for what I did4 caloriesPartner hates me for what I didn't do8 caloriesForgetting the instructions in the sex manual10 caloriesClimaxing too soon5 caloriesClimaxing too late6 caloriesNot climaxing20 caloriesPartner thinks of me as a sex object9 caloriesPartner doesn't think of me as a sex object47 caloriesPartner will neglect to adminster last rites should I not recover from orgasm88 calories
Personal Fears
Gigantic cellulite that shake and ripple during orgasm6 caloriesStretch marks that look like a plowed field8 caloriesPenis envy72 caloriesBody odor of a disgruntled yak25 calories
Getting Caught
By partner's spouse60 caloriesBy your spouse60.5 caloriesTrying to explain165 caloriesStuttering28 caloriesThrowing up
(Calorie counts here are flexible, depending on type of spouse-whether understanding and open-minded, or narrow-minded and armed)40 calories
Almost Getting Caught
Trying to remain calm100 caloriesFright (includes trembling)66 caloriesLeaping out of bed25 caloriesGetting dressed in one large motion300 caloriesThanking partner quickly2 caloriesJumping out of window
add 5 calories if window wasn't open15 caloriesLanding1 calorieRunning very fast50 calories
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