- May 3, 2006
- 6,457
- 4,226
- 113
- 53
- State / Prov
- MA
Hello all..
I have not been here as much and wanted to give all my friends an update and explanation to what is going on in my life, as I consider many of you like family...
I have been trying like heck for the last year to reorganize my very turbulent life...and getting there little by little...I have decided to start seeing a therapist once again at the urging of my husband because I get so emotional when faced with decisions that he was concerned it is not like me and that maybe I need some help that someone on the inside(meaning him) can't be objective with...It has been eyeopening...I was starting to assess my life and how I have over the years dealt with many things and came to the realization that I may never have dealt with things very well, and was starting to thing the ebb and flow of my emotions was not normal like I thought and was considering that I may have a clinical problem(BiPolar came to mind)....
Luckily I am not bi-polar(family history made it a possibility) but I am exploring Adult ADD...The reasoning for not knowing until now that this is possible is because the last 5 years and everything I went through has disrupted all of my coping strategies that took me a lifetime to create and my letting go of my food addiction has taken away my "medication" or comfort, so now I am living in a world of chaos without any downtime and seeing the direct result of that in my emotional outbursts and low periods....
I may start on medication as early as next month, but in the meantime and doing some behavior modification...This is where FC comes in...I am currently living on more scheduled days...I have seen some improvement on my output from doing this and it goves me the opportunity to schedule more into a day and leave a projst half done or partially done without feeling bad because the clock told me it was time to stop...and unless something very urgent has to be done I am not to let it interrupt my current scheduled activity, something that hinders my quality of output greatly, so FC is now a scheduled activity and done on lunchtime and when I really need to write something I preplan and schedule like now...Today was a planned internet social media day...
Not sure if anyone has seen the black swan, but I could be that girl(a bit less intense)...I am so driven to perfection and taking away my let loose strategies I have become a self mutilation wreck on the inside...and I need to change this behavior before it kills me...I have a handle on it in terms of knowing it is there and needs to be fixed but have seen over the last 3 years my drive go through the roof but I am not allowing myself the time to let loose or take time to relax...I don't know how to relax anymore...Hopefully I will learn new things that I can do for down time that don't involve highly technical skills or work ethic so that I may be able to let go and forget about things and recharge....I am really hoping medication will quiet the chaos that lives in the swirling ideas in my head so that I can just be still and at peace...
I have not been here as much and wanted to give all my friends an update and explanation to what is going on in my life, as I consider many of you like family...
I have been trying like heck for the last year to reorganize my very turbulent life...and getting there little by little...I have decided to start seeing a therapist once again at the urging of my husband because I get so emotional when faced with decisions that he was concerned it is not like me and that maybe I need some help that someone on the inside(meaning him) can't be objective with...It has been eyeopening...I was starting to assess my life and how I have over the years dealt with many things and came to the realization that I may never have dealt with things very well, and was starting to thing the ebb and flow of my emotions was not normal like I thought and was considering that I may have a clinical problem(BiPolar came to mind)....
Luckily I am not bi-polar(family history made it a possibility) but I am exploring Adult ADD...The reasoning for not knowing until now that this is possible is because the last 5 years and everything I went through has disrupted all of my coping strategies that took me a lifetime to create and my letting go of my food addiction has taken away my "medication" or comfort, so now I am living in a world of chaos without any downtime and seeing the direct result of that in my emotional outbursts and low periods....
I may start on medication as early as next month, but in the meantime and doing some behavior modification...This is where FC comes in...I am currently living on more scheduled days...I have seen some improvement on my output from doing this and it goves me the opportunity to schedule more into a day and leave a projst half done or partially done without feeling bad because the clock told me it was time to stop...and unless something very urgent has to be done I am not to let it interrupt my current scheduled activity, something that hinders my quality of output greatly, so FC is now a scheduled activity and done on lunchtime and when I really need to write something I preplan and schedule like now...Today was a planned internet social media day...
Not sure if anyone has seen the black swan, but I could be that girl(a bit less intense)...I am so driven to perfection and taking away my let loose strategies I have become a self mutilation wreck on the inside...and I need to change this behavior before it kills me...I have a handle on it in terms of knowing it is there and needs to be fixed but have seen over the last 3 years my drive go through the roof but I am not allowing myself the time to let loose or take time to relax...I don't know how to relax anymore...Hopefully I will learn new things that I can do for down time that don't involve highly technical skills or work ethic so that I may be able to let go and forget about things and recharge....I am really hoping medication will quiet the chaos that lives in the swirling ideas in my head so that I can just be still and at peace...
