My sons college graduation is on Mothers Day weekend and I can't go. The event is Friday and Saturday. I have been waiting a long time for him to graduate college and I can't even be there. I think he understands but is disappointed that I won't be there. Has anyone else had this dilemma? If so did your kid hate you forever? My husband is going so he will have one parent there.
My sons college graduation on Mothers Day
- Thread starter mperry
- Start date
With 5 kids graduating at different times from college, we had one graduate on Mother's Day weekend.
I told my husband WE WERE GOING! I think we left after work on Friday, and drove 5 hours to the college that night, to be there for the next day. We left the staff behind in the store to do their stuff without us.
I think we lucked out with only one child graduating on that weekend. There is no way I was going to miss it. I feel for you.
I told my husband WE WERE GOING! I think we left after work on Friday, and drove 5 hours to the college that night, to be there for the next day. We left the staff behind in the store to do their stuff without us.
I think we lucked out with only one child graduating on that weekend. There is no way I was going to miss it. I feel for you.
bootcampguy
Well-Known Member
Yes, last year our youngest son on MD weekend. We bit the bullet and both went and left the store. It was still here when we got back, bruised and battered, but still here.
my son graduated from Michigan State 2011, Mothers Day weekend. The actual ceremony for the College of Natural science was Saturday, [although there was some type of commencement service for all the graduating classes Friday night - he skipped that and worked instead.]
and YES I WENT. That was the first Mothers day Saturday I've not worked in 28 years. But after all the years of missing my kids events due to work, this was one I wasn't going to miss.
Yes it took lots of planning ahead and a few late nights during the week to be ready, But my delivery team is experienced and can run themselves and my design and sales team have been with me forever. So it can be done. Saturday is usually sell what you have and deliver it day".
So plan ahead, have all your arrangement specials designed and ready to tag and go. Plants, bloomers etc should be ready for easy sales. Just make sure your sales team only sells what you have on hand. Usually by Saturday people are willing to take what you have for sale. Custom designs should be off the table and OFF YOUR WEB SITE.
If there are any issues you are only a text or phone call away.
BUT GO and enjoy and BE PROUD of his accomplishments. Then pray he gets a job.
and YES I WENT. That was the first Mothers day Saturday I've not worked in 28 years. But after all the years of missing my kids events due to work, this was one I wasn't going to miss.
Yes it took lots of planning ahead and a few late nights during the week to be ready, But my delivery team is experienced and can run themselves and my design and sales team have been with me forever. So it can be done. Saturday is usually sell what you have and deliver it day".
So plan ahead, have all your arrangement specials designed and ready to tag and go. Plants, bloomers etc should be ready for easy sales. Just make sure your sales team only sells what you have on hand. Usually by Saturday people are willing to take what you have for sale. Custom designs should be off the table and OFF YOUR WEB SITE.
If there are any issues you are only a text or phone call away.
BUT GO and enjoy and BE PROUD of his accomplishments. Then pray he gets a job.
No one can tell you what to do..all our shops are run differently. And we miss a lot in our personal lives to keep a shop going. I remember my daughter's Communion was on the sat before Mother's Day...I was threatened with being fired..I did not own the sho as off yet...never will forget. Keeps me more human when dealing with employees..see if you can get enough help, try to work it out and if not... This is probably nothing new to your son...talk it out and go with your gut!
My first granddaughter was born this valentines day at 12:46 in the afternoon Glad she was in a local hospital! I left for 3 hours, saw my granddaughter born, went back to work. Graduation is probably not local. Go! You won't regret it!
There is not anything on earth that would cause me to miss Mothers Day weekend at my flower shop. My family would just have to understand. I know some have capable staff but all shops are different and my shop doesn't run well without me. Both my parents missed my college graduation due to work reasons and I never thought twice about it. If your kid hates you forever for this then I think that's ridiculous. He should be so thankful that your work helped him get to where he is and he should insist you don't go. I don't have kids though so take that for what it's worth. But my mom died Valentines week and she would hardly let me in the hospice room insisting that I needed to be running my shop. Also, my sisters birthday is on Valentines Day and we are very close but she does not even get so much as a phone call until after the holiday and she totally understands. I grew up very poor and the priority was hard work and responsibility and making something of yourself so you can dig yourself out of poverty somehow. I would be so afraid that if I missed a major holiday it would all fall apart. So, anyway, probably an irrelevant perspective but my point is, for what it's worth, that if you have to miss graduation because your shop needs you then in my opinion you should not feel bad about it. It depends on how well you think the shop could run in your absence. Work is important too and I think it sets a good example to make it a priority when you have to. If you can't go to graduation then you can always celebrate with him in a special way after Mothers Day.
BOSS
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Mikey the Flower Guy
It's a GREAT DAY to live, and love!
- Nov 10, 2002
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I LOVE Sarah's reasoning, and compassionate post...it makes ME think how many times we've missed family events, that shaped the fabric of our family, and the "oddity" of the guilt that is caused us, by organizing committees, that do NOT understand.
MOST folks, which does NOT include us, find it a very smart thing to do, in planning their events around a holiday period, and just because it cause us great pain, and anxiety, it DOESN'T mean that WE are right, and THEY are wrong!
We've NEVER missed a special moment in our kids lives, but, in retrospect, they've missed PLENTY of special moments in OUR lives, and I personally feel, that IF you are able to attend, you MUST go, regardless of the distance and costs, but, IF you cannot go....well, as my 86 year old dad says "there's time to be mad, and time to be sad, BUT, it's ALL gotta be paid for".....
On a side note, my dad, who missed practically ALL our special events, worked 7 days a week, to make sure we were NOT poor, closed his business at age 85, had less than 1 birthday, and got so guilty, that he was letting family and customers down, went BACK to work, and is now working 5 days a week.
Sarah, you are NOT alone....sweetie!
Interesting read.
but the underlying thread is this: How competent of an owner/manager are you in training your employees to successfully complete their work without YOU. Sure weird problems occur that make all of us shake our head, BUT...
What would happen if you had a car accident or medical emergency this morning. Who would take over? Have you procedures in place to cover such an event? Or would you have to lock the door until you were able to get back in the saddle. Would your employees be around if rehab was weeks or even months or would they have found another job?
I hope no one ever has to face those types of emergencies, but we should all be prepared. Life is never smooth sailing.
but the underlying thread is this: How competent of an owner/manager are you in training your employees to successfully complete their work without YOU. Sure weird problems occur that make all of us shake our head, BUT...
What would happen if you had a car accident or medical emergency this morning. Who would take over? Have you procedures in place to cover such an event? Or would you have to lock the door until you were able to get back in the saddle. Would your employees be around if rehab was weeks or even months or would they have found another job?
I hope no one ever has to face those types of emergencies, but we should all be prepared. Life is never smooth sailing.
LOTAKIDS
Well-Known Member
I, too, had this happen last year. You can never get back the wonderful accomplishments of your family... YOU NEED TO BE THERE... he is most important.
I hired two designers and a front end person... my husband stayed home (step-dad) and helped with the business and our daughters. Yes, I was crying in my shop at 12 am the night before saying my customers need me, I can't go... then my husband said to me "Call you son and tell him you are not coming" I worked till 4 am.. packed my bag and was on a plane at 6:30 am Friday Morning and didn't come home until Monday Morning.
I am so glad I was there! It was so special! You can NEVER get this back. Customers will understand.
Start calling your customer's now and let them know you need to make Mother's day deliveries early because you need to be a Mother... your son is graduating. Hire someone to help you.. close your shop if you have to ... and "GO". Yes, I had to put out a few fires.. but when I explained what happened it was all OK. I didn't lose any customers.
I know.. It's hard to put family first... but I have started and it's so much better!!!
Flowermomma
Well-Known Member
I know this is not quite the same, but I closed the store last sat for my son's archery contest. He is 14 and really wanted me there and when he said to me " I want to go but not if someone isn't going to watch me and the store has to be open" I told him YOU are more important and the store will be closed so i can be there. Just a regular sat and yes I might have missed a few sales but He is important to me.
If you can swing it, have your staff run the store for the day and go. It will mean the world to him that you put him first.
If you can swing it, have your staff run the store for the day and go. It will mean the world to him that you put him first.
My son does know what it's like here. He spent the first 2 years of his life charming the customers in my shop. High school he was our after school delivery guy. We are a very small shop with myself and two part time employees. No mater how well these two are trained (and they are trained well) they can not be cloned for the day. We have extra people who can help with flower processing but really no one else who can run the computers and design. Thank you everyone for your comments.
Flowermomma
Well-Known Member
I have 2 part-timers too, but they become full timers when I need them too. I have a list made up for when I go out of town even though it's not often. It includes detailed instructions on how to pick up and send orders on the computer even though I've shown them how to do it. They can pick up flowers from the wholesaler, design and deliver. Usually I deliver, but on holidays hubby and temp drivers are used. I love Karen's post above about scheduling deliveries early. You can plan the driver's routes out for the deliveries you have scheduled before you go. If you start now training your part-timers for when you're not there it will help. You could even have a "practice day" for half a day before then. We are closed Mother's Day. Biggest day will be Friday to offices. Those orders plus extras should be ready to go when you walk in the door Fri morning anyway. If you get swamped to where the drivers can't handle the volume, worse case is you have the employees say "I'm sorry we're all booked up for deliveries, so we're doing pick-up orders only now". You could also ask your local wholesaler to be on standby to run stuff over if needed. Most of em do that anyway on holidays. I would be stressed but I'm just a phone call away is how I look at it. Hope it works out for you.
Clarabella
Well-Known Member
I'm just gonna throw this out there....
I think you really just need to have a heart felt talk with your son and find out how he truly feels before you try to make a decision.
For me personally, college graduation was NOT a big deal. I was glad to have it over with, but I did not even attend the commencement ceremony myself. I'm not one for fanfare and I had no interest in it. Even looking back now, I dont consider it one of my "great accomplishments". There are many other things I am more proud of. My mother was actually the one that was mad at me for missing my own graduation lol.
If he tells you that he is not worried about, and you know he is being geniune, take his word for it and don't worry! If you know in your heart that it really is important to him, then maybe you need to figure out an alternate arrangement.
Sometimes as parents we worry about the things we shouldn't....and don't worry about the things we should....
I think you really just need to have a heart felt talk with your son and find out how he truly feels before you try to make a decision.
For me personally, college graduation was NOT a big deal. I was glad to have it over with, but I did not even attend the commencement ceremony myself. I'm not one for fanfare and I had no interest in it. Even looking back now, I dont consider it one of my "great accomplishments". There are many other things I am more proud of. My mother was actually the one that was mad at me for missing my own graduation lol.
If he tells you that he is not worried about, and you know he is being geniune, take his word for it and don't worry! If you know in your heart that it really is important to him, then maybe you need to figure out an alternate arrangement.
Sometimes as parents we worry about the things we shouldn't....and don't worry about the things we should....
ChristiBrown
Well-Known Member
Sorry I have a bit of a different take. I skipped my highschool graduation ceremony and only walked for college because I knew it meant so much to my grandma and parents would have killed me if I hadn't walked for her. It was the most boring 3 hours of my life. Over 2 hours of who's who here thanking them for being there and 45 minutes of shuffling several thousand of us across the stage at lightning speed. Trust me, for most graduates the graduation ceremony is more about the family and friends than the actual graduate. I would ask him point blank if he wants you to be there with no guilt attached to make him feel bad if he does want you to come. If he wants you there you should be there, your shop will live without you (they will have a few uncertain moments, but trufully your staff will be better for it to be streatched to know they can do it without you and gasp you might get to leave more often) if it isn't really that important to him than skip it and celebrate big with a graduation party. I just think there are other family moments that are more important like a family picnic where you can talk and visit and have fun verses a very stuffy and boring ceremony. Just my opinion, I know I may be one of the very few that feel that way but there it is.
anytimeflowers
Linda
I add my thoughts to those already put forth. TALK to him. My feeling is that if he was present for Mother's Day and other holidays at the shop while growing up, he would be completely understanding about your not being at the ceremony. My youngest daughter had the same attitude as Christi, she absolutely didn't want to go for the ceremony but I pushed her because I was afraid she would regret missing it. After attending it myself, I was the one who regretted pushing for it.....stultifying.
My kids know that the shop paid for their opportunities growing up and this would be one of those sacrifices that they would need to make in not having their mother present during a major floral holiday ~ however ~ THEIR presence has always been required for these holidays!
My kids know that the shop paid for their opportunities growing up and this would be one of those sacrifices that they would need to make in not having their mother present during a major floral holiday ~ however ~ THEIR presence has always been required for these holidays!
If MSU still presented graduation events like your daughters and Christi I wouldn't have gone either. We used to call them Cattle call graduation.. think Spartan stadium seating over 75000 and torture.
Now, a baccalaureate event is held on Friday night for all the thousands of grads (hence why Kyle skipped) and then each College has their own ceremony. Graduation services would kick off every 2 hours at three locations on campus, so you were in and out pretty quickly, but it didn't feel rushed. It was cute to see all the new grads at various locations getting pictures taken with family or in front of dorms or with Sparty. (big bronze statue - not the mascot dude)
colleges need to get away from huge events - logistics for those must be a nightmare.
I've also been in that situation, with my daughter graduating 3 states away. You know what? There is nothing more important than being at your son's graduation. The other staff will hold it together for you. I worked extra hard earlier in the week, slept in the car on the way, and would not trade the graduation for anything! I thought the shop would fall apart, and what do you know, they survived without me! Sharon Platt Floral Expressions, South Windsor, CT