Should a funeral have a color theme?

[CHR]

From Miss Conduct of Boston.com:

Question:

I recently ordered flowers for a funeral from a local florist, who said the family mentioned they were having a certain color theme. I told the florist to use her best judgment. Don't you think it's a bit odd and rude for a family to request a color theme for a funeral? I can understand color themes for weddings, showers, and corporate events. But a funeral?

Answer:

According to the florists I spoke with, families often choose to have some sort of theme for funeral flowers - not a "senior prom" kind of theme, but one that reflects the deceased's aesthetic sensibility or favorite season or love of nature. This motif is then carried through in all of the flower arrangements that the family members order. Theme flowers can thus be a living reminder of the person who has been lost and at the very least are more aesthetically appealing than a random confusion of blooms. Floral themes seem a sensible custom for those who want them - as long as the funeral industry doesn't get it into its head that all funerals must have one, thereby creating yet another nuisance and expense with which to burden mourning families.

However, florists don't usually instruct other people, those not involved in the funeral planning, what kind of flowers to get. (A gentle nudge is a different matter: "I know many of the family ordered green and lavender bouquets - would you like something similar?") You shouldn't have been made to feel that you were being told what to do. The florist could have had many reasons for being pushy: Maybe the family was especially insistent about its color scheme, or maybe the deceased had scripted out his or her funeral instructions, right down to the greenery. Or perhaps the florist had a lot of flowers in a particular color that she was trying to get rid of and was making it all up. Whatever the case, you did the right thing by taking the florist's advice, and now I think you should let your annoyance go. If there was a breach of decorum, well, bereaved families should be entitled to a few.

We do theming of family pieces whenever possible to avoid the "random confusion of blooms." There's a big difference between recommending a look and insisting on it (which doesn't seem to be the case here). Has anyone ever had a customer (non-family member) consider it 'rude' or 'odd' just for mentioning that the family has selected a floral theme?

 

[BOSS]

Nope, never...

We "often" coordinate all orders for a specific funeral, especially if it's a customer with known preferences...

Family work is generally always "themed" with other pieces being coordinated, unless specifics are asked for by the customer.

 

[Sher]

We have such diverse ethnicities down here so we often have the family requests tha certain colors not be used for a vatiety of reasons. We also have folks that let us know that the deceased did not like certain colors or types of flowers and they wish to honor that. We often do a certain color combo's for just the family and then coordinate the other flowers around that...

 

[felicityflowers]

We do the same. If the family tells me that the deceased hated carns then we don't use them. If someone requests them we will politely tell them about the families request however, we just make suggestions, we don't force them into anything. I think that people appreciate the fact that you are aware of the families wants and needs. Usually I get "what is everyone else sending" or "what color are the rest of the flowers" to which I usually have the answer. A lot of people WANT you to suggest to them what the colors/flowers the family is using.

Heather

 

[Pam]

I don't mind ....

if the flowers are around a family chosen theme .... colours, allergies and so on .... but we have one funeral home that doesn't allow red flowers .... because it clashes with their decor. Their decor is so outdated now that it's ridiculous ... as well the red doesn't look bad with their colours. But since I'm not their paid interior decorator then why should I know what colours look good together.

 

[Victoria]

Almost every funeral I've done has been colour co-ordinated or themed... by my suggestion. Perhaps because I was on the other side of the industry I try to match colours to what the deceased is wearing, the style and interior of casket etc. I've NEVER had a funeral director dictate colour to me... ever.

If other family members call I generally suggest we keep to the look chosen by the immediate family. Occasionally I've run in to an obstacle in that they want their flowers to "stand out"... they're doing the paying so I do as they ask.

V

 

[FlowerDiva]

I've had a few family members who insisted on not going with the rest of the family's wishes, but never a customer who thought that a theme or a color scheme was rude. In fact, they greatly appreciated the idea because it made their selection so much easier.

We always try to work with the family by asking if the deceased had any special interests, hobbies, had a favorite athletic team, or was in the military.
One of our questions also is if the deceased had a favorite color. Our families always like the idea of personalizing the funeral.

 

[Holly]

Our family orders always revolve around a color that will match the deceased clothing & color of casket. On rare occasion the family requests that a hobby be worked into the casket scarf (for instance golf, fishing or hunting). I think whatever helps the family get through their ordeal is fine. If they want to request colors, themes, or do-not-use items...others should understand and go with the flow.
Besides the family, most people don't know what they want to send and are happy to get an idea from us. By all means, if the family has any requests that you can honor then we do.

 

[Connie]

A friend, former florist, completely coordinated her grandmother's funeral with color themed pieces and candles. She and her grandmother were very close and she wanted to honor her grandmother in this way. Because she had often helped her grandmother with her sweet potato garden, Pam included sweet potatoes tucked down into the casket spray. All other flowers that were sent were tastefully displayed in the foyer of the church.

 

[Rhonda]

We have about 50/50 on requests for services other than the families requests. About 50% want something co-ordinated with the family and 50% want something different than the families. We have a great amount that wish "something different". In 30+ years, have only had a handful requests for No lilies (allergies) and one family that requested that every arrangement we did have at least one yellow rose in it. And actually that one service (a 39 year old lady) we had 9- dozen yellow rose orders which we gladly filled where as ordinarily we don't like to duplicate designs for services unless requested to.