Having the world's best idea will do you no good unless you act on it. People who want milk shouldn't sit on a stool in the middle of a field in hopes that a cow will back up to them. - Curtis Grant
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. - Al Capone (1899-1947)
This American system of ours, call it Americanism, call it capitalism, call it what you will, gives each and every one of us a great opportunity if we only seize it with both hands and make the most of it. - Al Capone
A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation. - Howard Scott
It was involuntary. They sank my boat. - John F. Kennedy, when asked how he became a Navy hero
'You know, said Arthur, 'it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.
'Why, what did she tell you?'
'I don't know, I didn't listen.' ' - Douglas Adams, The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy
No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you will see why. - Mignon McLaughlin
Not only is life a b*tch, but it is always having puppies. - Adrienne Gusoff
Hell is other people. - Jean-Paul Sartre
"Mom and Dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it." - Bill Waterson, Calvin & Hobbes
There are two rules for success...
1. Never tell everything you know.
2.
- Roger H. Lincoln
Does anyone else ever get the distinct impression that some day a group of people in suits are going to walk into your office or your home and say, 'We've got you now! You had everyone *thinking* you were a grown up, but you're not. Now get your things. Your mother's got supper on the table and you have to be in bed by 7:30.' Or is it just me? - Cynthia Melcher
"We will serve no group or party but will hew hard to the truth as we find it and the right as we see it. We are dedicated to the whole truth, to human values above all interests, to the rights of man as the foundation of democracy; we will take orders from none but our own conscience, and never will we overlook or misrepresent the truth to serve the interests of the powerful or cater to the ignoble in the human spirit." - The Texas Observer
Of course, it has never paid much. - Molly Ivins and Lou Dubose, Shrub
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!' till you can find a rock. - Wynn Catlin
Diplomacy is to do and say the nastiest things in the nicest way.- Goldberg
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. - Robert Frost
A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. - Caskie Stinnett
A diplomat is a man who says you have an open mind, instead of telling you that you have a hole in the head. - unknown
Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave. - Wilson Mizner
One only has an adventure when one makes a mistake, but [as] my grandmother used to say: "You don't have to get out of trouble if you don't get into trouble." - Richard Wheeler, rowing around Cape Cod, 9/26/00 Cape Cod Times
Get out of here and leave me alone. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough already. - Karl Marx, last words, 1883
Dead, we become the lumber of the world,/ And to that mass of matter shall be swept / Where things destroyed with things unborn are kept. - Seneca
We all live in a house on fire, no fire department to call; no way out, just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns the house down with us trapped, locked in it. - Tennessee Williams
People hear that I am a horror writer and they think that I must be a monster, but actually I have the heart of a small child - I keep it in a jar on my desk. - Robert Bloch
I wouldn't mind dying - it's that business of having to stay dead that scares the shlt out of me. - R. Geis
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.- W. Somerset Maugham
Don't look forward to the day when you stop suffering. Because when it comes you'll know that you're dead. - Tennessee Williams
I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so. - Stephen Leacock (1869-1944)
I feel nothing, apart from a certain difficulty in continuing to exist. - Bernard de Fontenelle (1657-1757) on his deathbed
I inhabit a weak, frail, decayed tenement; battered by the winds and broken in on by the storms, and, from all I can learn, the landlord does not intend to repair. - John Quincy Adams (1767-1848)
I hope that after I die, people will say of me, "That guy sure owed me a lot of money." - Jack Handey
Monty Python deserves it's own little spot:
Quote:
Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'.
Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.
The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.
- Monty Python's Meaning Of Life '
Men are nicotine-soaked, beer-besmirched, whiskey-greased, red-eyed devils. - Carrie Nation Rknot
Very few men would fall in love if they had never read about it. - La Rochefoucauld, quoted in The Harbourmaster, William McFee, 1931
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
It's a condescending thing, Dear. You wouldn't understand. LMAO
In brief, she assumed that, being a man, I was vain to the point of imbecility, and this assumption was correct, as it always is. - H.L. Mencken
American women expect to find in their husbands the perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers. - W. Somerset Maugham
Most plain girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be otherwise. - Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends. - Ben Franklin
If Jack's in love, he's no judge of Jill's beauty. - Ben Franklin
We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. - HL Mencken
He marries best who puts it off until it is too late. - HL Mencken
Suicide is a belated acquiescence in the opinion of one's wife's relatives. - HL Mencken
Misogynist - A man who hates women as much as women hate one another. - HL Mencken
A man's women folk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity. His most gaudy sayings and doings seldom deceive them; they see the actual man within, and know him for a shallow and pathetic fellow. In this fact, perhaps, lies one of the best proofs of feminine intelligence, or, as the common phase makes it, feminine intuition. - HL Mencken
A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. - HL Mencken
When my love swears that she is made of truth, I do believe her, though I know she lies. - Shakespeare
Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce
It requires only two things to win credit for a miracle: a mountebank and a number of silly women. - Marquis de Sade
The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. - Maureen Murphy
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. - Al Capone (1899-1947)
This American system of ours, call it Americanism, call it capitalism, call it what you will, gives each and every one of us a great opportunity if we only seize it with both hands and make the most of it. - Al Capone
A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation. - Howard Scott
It was involuntary. They sank my boat. - John F. Kennedy, when asked how he became a Navy hero
'You know, said Arthur, 'it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.
'Why, what did she tell you?'
'I don't know, I didn't listen.' ' - Douglas Adams, The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy
No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you will see why. - Mignon McLaughlin
Not only is life a b*tch, but it is always having puppies. - Adrienne Gusoff
Hell is other people. - Jean-Paul Sartre
"Mom and Dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it." - Bill Waterson, Calvin & Hobbes
There are two rules for success...
1. Never tell everything you know.
2.
- Roger H. Lincoln
Does anyone else ever get the distinct impression that some day a group of people in suits are going to walk into your office or your home and say, 'We've got you now! You had everyone *thinking* you were a grown up, but you're not. Now get your things. Your mother's got supper on the table and you have to be in bed by 7:30.' Or is it just me? - Cynthia Melcher
"We will serve no group or party but will hew hard to the truth as we find it and the right as we see it. We are dedicated to the whole truth, to human values above all interests, to the rights of man as the foundation of democracy; we will take orders from none but our own conscience, and never will we overlook or misrepresent the truth to serve the interests of the powerful or cater to the ignoble in the human spirit." - The Texas Observer
Of course, it has never paid much. - Molly Ivins and Lou Dubose, Shrub
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!' till you can find a rock. - Wynn Catlin
Diplomacy is to do and say the nastiest things in the nicest way.- Goldberg
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. - Robert Frost
A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. - Caskie Stinnett
A diplomat is a man who says you have an open mind, instead of telling you that you have a hole in the head. - unknown
Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave. - Wilson Mizner
One only has an adventure when one makes a mistake, but [as] my grandmother used to say: "You don't have to get out of trouble if you don't get into trouble." - Richard Wheeler, rowing around Cape Cod, 9/26/00 Cape Cod Times
Get out of here and leave me alone. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough already. - Karl Marx, last words, 1883
Dead, we become the lumber of the world,/ And to that mass of matter shall be swept / Where things destroyed with things unborn are kept. - Seneca
We all live in a house on fire, no fire department to call; no way out, just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns the house down with us trapped, locked in it. - Tennessee Williams
People hear that I am a horror writer and they think that I must be a monster, but actually I have the heart of a small child - I keep it in a jar on my desk. - Robert Bloch
I wouldn't mind dying - it's that business of having to stay dead that scares the shlt out of me. - R. Geis
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.- W. Somerset Maugham
Don't look forward to the day when you stop suffering. Because when it comes you'll know that you're dead. - Tennessee Williams
I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so. - Stephen Leacock (1869-1944)
I feel nothing, apart from a certain difficulty in continuing to exist. - Bernard de Fontenelle (1657-1757) on his deathbed
I inhabit a weak, frail, decayed tenement; battered by the winds and broken in on by the storms, and, from all I can learn, the landlord does not intend to repair. - John Quincy Adams (1767-1848)
I hope that after I die, people will say of me, "That guy sure owed me a lot of money." - Jack Handey
Monty Python deserves it's own little spot:
Quote:
Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'.
Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.
The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.
- Monty Python's Meaning Of Life '
Men are nicotine-soaked, beer-besmirched, whiskey-greased, red-eyed devils. - Carrie Nation Rknot
Very few men would fall in love if they had never read about it. - La Rochefoucauld, quoted in The Harbourmaster, William McFee, 1931
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
It's a condescending thing, Dear. You wouldn't understand. LMAO
In brief, she assumed that, being a man, I was vain to the point of imbecility, and this assumption was correct, as it always is. - H.L. Mencken
American women expect to find in their husbands the perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers. - W. Somerset Maugham
Most plain girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be otherwise. - Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends. - Ben Franklin
If Jack's in love, he's no judge of Jill's beauty. - Ben Franklin
We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. - HL Mencken
He marries best who puts it off until it is too late. - HL Mencken
Suicide is a belated acquiescence in the opinion of one's wife's relatives. - HL Mencken
Misogynist - A man who hates women as much as women hate one another. - HL Mencken
A man's women folk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity. His most gaudy sayings and doings seldom deceive them; they see the actual man within, and know him for a shallow and pathetic fellow. In this fact, perhaps, lies one of the best proofs of feminine intelligence, or, as the common phase makes it, feminine intuition. - HL Mencken
A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. - HL Mencken
When my love swears that she is made of truth, I do believe her, though I know she lies. - Shakespeare
Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce
It requires only two things to win credit for a miracle: a mountebank and a number of silly women. - Marquis de Sade
The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. - Maureen Murphy