Waste My Time I'll Waste Yours.

Status
Not open for further replies.

Eric S

Demoted Webmaster
Jul 12, 2005
2,944
2,096
113
Tustin
www.everydayflowers.net
State / Prov
CA
Today we will start wasting telemarketers time when they call our shop. I will be targeting the ones that.

Don't remove us from their call list. This includes:

The Car Warranty Guys
Merchant Services (Specially the one located in Irvine with caller ID 001)
SEO Guys that just can't seem to find our website on Google Yahoo MSN.


The process will include

Endless Multiple line transfers.
Sudden drop calls after listening to sales speech
Long periods of silence
Belligerent arguing
Switching from English to Vietnamese to Spanish.
 
SEO Guys that just can't seem to find our website on Google Yahoo MSN.
This one always amazes me ;)

Oh but Eric, I did get a new warranty on my 68 Camaro, and I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night!:beer
 
it's baaaack !! 866-961-3530
2x/day
 
The best advice that I can give to any small business.

If you didn't call looking for the service don't do it.

If they call you its scam.
If they walk into your store its a scam.

I had someone from AT&T that called me looking to get our phones back from our current provider. I said I have my backup lines with you so there is nothing to worry about.

She did find out what lines and wanted to lock the lines so they couldn't be taken away from AT&T. (SCAM ALERT) I asked

AT&T today says to me.

WE DO NOT CALL YOU PERIOD!!!
 
You might also try. . . .

Endless Multiple line transfers.
Sudden drop calls after listening to sales speech
Long periods of silence
Belligerent arguing
Switching from English to Vietnamese to Spanish.

YOU: "Can I have your billing address, please?"
THEM: "Why would you want that?"
YOU: "Just like a lawyer, my charges begin when I enter into a business consultation"

or

YOU: "And how would you like to pay for this order?"
THEM: "I am sorry, but I am not calling to order anything"
YOU: "I only do business with companies who do business with me, can I have your billing address?"
 
Also, just start blabbing your head off, go off on a weird tangent .... you: "Hey, your voice sounds like my old buddy, Dave. Yeah, we grew up together, he lived across the street, in this great house, there were seven kids in the family, and all the neighborhood kids hung out at, had this rope swing in his yard, that swung into his pond...man, I fell in once and got snapped at by a turtle, almost lost my finger"....blah, blah, blah, just make up stuff.

The telemarketer will hang up screaming...
 
Also, just start blabbing your head off, go off on a weird tangent .... you: "Hey, your voice sounds like my old buddy, Dave. Yeah, we grew up together, he lived across the street, in this great house, there were seven kids in the family, and all the neighborhood kids hung out at, had this rope swing in his yard, that swung into his pond...man, I fell in once and got snapped at by a turtle, almost lost my finger"....blah, blah, blah, just make up stuff.

The telemarketer will hang up screaming...

OMG I love it!!!!!!! lol lol lol

Reminds me of this:

How To Annoy Telemarketers

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married?, kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise,"Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.

6. Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?

9. After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me, either!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder...louder... 20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
 
Sir I'm with a company that specializes in Search Engine Marketing.

No thank you I already do that work myself.

Sir if I could just explain what our program offers to you.

Sorry but you would be putting me out of work and that would mean another American job would be outsourced to your country.

Thanks anyways.
 
Today we will start wasting telemarketers time when they call our shop. I will be targeting the ones that.

Don't remove us from their call list. This includes:

The Car Warranty Guys
Merchant Services (Specially the one located in Irvine with caller ID 001)
SEO Guys that just can't seem to find our website on Google Yahoo MSN.


The process will include

Endless Multiple line transfers.
Sudden drop calls after listening to sales speech
Long periods of silence
Belligerent arguing
Switching from English to Vietnamese to Spanish.

Belligerent arguing is most fun, especially with FTD FSR's

but, Eric, you forgot one.

lay down the phone while the telemarketer is yacking, then come back a bit later and ask him/her to repeat what they just said.... then lay the phone back down...... continue until you get bored or get a customer.

joe
 
TOTO....YOU my friend have given me the biggest laugh I've had this month! I'm cryin over here!! that was awesome! lol lol
 
oh my gosh! was that the Bob and Tom show????
 
Status
Not open for further replies.