Off Topic What are you supposed to do?

[aileen_c]

My friend of 15 years called me this morning. She revealed to me that she's been hurting herself...in soo many ways. I've had suspicions but I never asked. She lives in the next state over from me so we haven't seen each other yet since I've been back. Sadly, the man that she is married to is actually encouraging this behavior come to find out.

I'm shocked and saddened...I know this is not her. She has three kids from her marriage before and her husband has his own 3 kids. She has hers full time and his visit every other weekend. I'm really stunned and shocked right now with what I've learned. Of all the things I've just learned I'm mainly concerned about the prescription drug use and the alcohol. She won't tell her parents...who live just a few houses up the street from her. I've never been in this situation before and I'm just hurting for her, concerned for the kids.

What am I supposed to do? She wants to get away and come live me... but I have reservations about that. I've never been one to turn my back on a friend so it's killing me right now just to even consider saying no. I'm torn.....

 

[sandytf]

What a tough spot to be in. The only thing I can think of is to offer your help on the condition that she see a professional. She needs it. You are not equipped to deal with this by yourself. You can offer your support, a shoulder to lean on, and other things that a friend can do....but this is serious. Hopefully she is thinking clearly enough to know that she has to ge help-remind her about her kids. If she told you, I think she is asking for help. She may not be strong enough to go get it on her own. You have to think clearly for her. Good luck and God Bless.

 

[shannonlovesflowers]

well,

It's been my experience that alcoholics and drug addicts are liars. they need to be to hide their addictions. And also to account for their bad choices and behavior.

Also, It's been my experience that alcoholics and drug addicts like to put the blame on others than themselves.

it's also been my experience that alcoholics and drug addicts call long lost friends out of the blue to tell them a sob story about how they need help and you're the only one who can help them.
I throw up the ::BSflag.

This very thing has happened to me over and over....I wised up a while back.

I need to take care of myself and my husband. You need to take care of you, your kids and your husband.

It's good of you to even care.

If you want to help her research some groups or organizations in the area where she lives that can help her and relay the info to her.

Enabling her bad behavior will just encourage it.

 

[aileen_c]

I agree Shannon...my brother, sad to say/admit this, is a drug addict and is homeless. My mother is taking care of his son and so CPS won't allow my brother to live int he home while his son lives there. Which is GREAT for his son...bu I'm sad that my brother is out in the streets. My borhter has a very long history of making the wrong choices in life.

As for my friend, that's not the case...this is not her. I believe she does need help...much more than I can give her. She doesn't see that he's encouraging it ..I see that and told her..she didn't defend him though. So I think she knows deep down I'm right but she's also choosing to take that path....I'm just so sad for her and the kids. They're really good kids too.

 

[Palms]

Aileen, i am so not equipped to give advice but if that was me i would be inclined to tell her parents anyway, tough love is sometimes needed. They are the ones who are more equipped to help her.

You would be the best friend to do this in my opinion, friends will do stuff for the best and not just to be popular.

That's just me x But so much good luck for it!!

 

[aileen_c]

Paula, Yes I feel the same way too. That I should notify her parents. I am torn though about it. Thank you.

 

[elmo]

Paula, Yes I feel the same way too. That I should notify her parents. I am torn though about it. Thank you.

My Dear, I know your sad for your friend. You know in your heart she would be putting your children in harms way.Your friend is only letting you know what she wants you to know too. Let Mom and Dad in on a phone call. If one of my children needed help I would want to know, to give them my support.You are the sole backbone for your children right now, be wise and be true to your self.

 

[Sarah Botchick]

I agree, call her parents. The initial inclincation is that you don't want to lose her as a friend... but if she dies from the choices she makes, or lands in prison, much more will be lost, along with a friendship.

It is so hard when a friend calls and you no longer live close, and you have to get tough with her over the phone. I had a friend call me a few months ago from a few states away to tell me she was considering suicide. Not the same as your situation, but similar with the "what do i do from far away?" I had to get tough. I called her everyday until she finally went to the dr. and got the help she needed.

Right now, your friend's parents are in the best position to help her get the help she needs. And they can help protect their grandchildren. She may hate you for a while, but if it saves her life, she will thank you later.

 

[Victoria]

Call her parents... it's best to run the risk of losing her as a friend (temporary) than have her lose her life and her children lose their parent... oh and no to living with you... that creates more mess than you can imagine.

V

 

[Queen of Weddings]

First of all, I don't know if this right for me to put this on here,

But your friend was reaching out to you for help, and admitting is the first and formost thing to do, But untill that person is sick and sick and tired of living that way there is nothing you or anyone can do, and I feel your pain of wanting to help, but you are not qualified to help this person, and when a person finnally sinks to there lowest of lowest, then maybe, just maybe they will get help, Prescription drugs are very dangerous as well with any drug to get off, This person needs to take there arse to a AA or NA meeting asap and get the help, When going off of any drugs there are always that of problems, seizures, strokes, even that of violence, you have children to think of, I don't want to sound rude of even Mean, but I can tell you with all my years of things, No I am not a friend of Bills. For those who are I applaude you for doing the right things, and I think everyone should live by the 12 steps, Do not get your self all shook up about this, YOu can carry the message , but it is up to that person to take and make the best of it. and the road is not an easy one, but if they want to they will come to way of conquering it, and it is a one day at a time, and moment to moment , That will want that sobriety, as for you calling her mother, Now come one, Don't get involved in that, I say this because it will cause you more harm than good, We all want to save the world, But one that person can save theres. She reached out to you, Be a friend. But don't become the Savior. The reason I tell you this, because, We have a saying" Just leave it alone. If you want to help just listen, and don't tell them what they want to hear...Tell them to get to a meeting or a place that can help them...Sorry if I offended. But sometimes, tough love is the way to go, and I hope that someone may see this, and relize this could be me...

 

[aileen_c]

I have been thinking on this. I decided I will not have her live here. I have decided not to call her parents...she's a grown woman. I have also told her she needs to see a counselor. I also told her that I love and care for her but that flies out the window once I learn of any harm coming to the kids. That she is no longer the priority and the kids will be, so whatever actions- will be with regard to the kids. I am feeling a bit more at ease with the situation. It is her problem, I don't want to save her she has to save herself. I frimly believe that...since I've watched my brother in law for decades on drugs and my little brother battling it for the past 4 years.

Thanks to you, my fc friends, for your input and guidance. I feel it helped me to hone in on the best decision I needed to take. Green dots for all!

 

[Victoria]

Aileen, my daughter is a grown woman... if she were in the same situation I would hope her friends would call me. As a matter of fact Alana has been in your shoes and she did call her friends parents... it was a good thing.

Being a grown up means nothing when you are in a state of mental illness. They are incapable of helping them selves.

V