Why can't I be more like Fred?

KABERS

KABERS

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Jan 3, 2005
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I have this great customer, his name is Fred. Fred is black and honestly he is the best guy. He always sends his wife, mom, and sister flowers for every occasion. Spends quality time picking exactly what to send - even each balloon.
Last week his father passed away. When Fred and his sister Wanda came in to order the flowers, They were talking about the wonderful celebration the funeral will be. How at peace and happy their Dad was to be "going home"
Fred came in Tuesday to pay the flower bill. He spent a good 30 minutes talking about the service. I couldn't stop smiling he was so happy and it truly was a celebration. His brother videod it and posted it on utube. His Sister Wanda is going to stop in and show me pictures of how great her Dad looked and how wonderful the flowers were on the casket.
I just want to be like them.
My Dad has had parkinsons for twentyfive years. He'll be 70 on the 7th and I don't think he's gonna make it. He's in the Hospital now with pnemonia and I just can't seem to stop crying. I HATE TO CRY! I've wished my Dad dead because I know he doesn't want to live like this and yet now that the time has come, i've turned into a total wousy. My faith in God is strong so why can't I be like Fred? I know when he passes he will be fishing again with with his brothers. So why can't I be like Fred? I so want to be strong for my mom and my family but someone with tears constantly running down her face is not a good support system. God I HATE TO CRY! How does Fred do it?
 
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Jenifer....is your dad a good man, or a bad man...and regardless of your answer, ONLY A HEARTLESS man would want you to NOT celebrate his life.
I DON'T think this is your dad....spend ALL your time with him, and then remind yourself of all the good that came from his life, and when dad passes, remind yourself that it is HE that is suffering, and how happy HE would be, when "that" time comes.
We have celebrated MANY lives, very happy occasions, many great stories and revelations....I ALMOST dislike going to the sombre, red-eyed, hush, funerals anymore!
 
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We are never told the "why's" of life, those have to wait until the day we meet again in a place not so far from here. Then and only then will we understand.

Dying is not death. Death or becoming dead happens to those who still walk the rock, those that do not feel, those that do not care, they are the dead ones. Dying is rebirth, into a better place. A place where there is no pain, no sorrow, no complaints, no sickness or disease.

Tears are good, they show you feel, that you truly care and that you have a heart. Do not think that your tears do not have purpose, they are drops of love.

Trust, that his long illness has been for a reason. I don't want to say why, because I really do not know, but perhaps it's simply to teach compassion to others, to teach patience, and give the opportunity for others to grow within themselves.

All too often in our society we treat funerals as sorrowful occasions, and not what they are supposed to be, a celebration of life. A life lived to it's fullest. Yes there are times when they are sorrowful, a baby, a young child, a teenager just learning to fly... but even then we should remember the good times, we should focus on what was, not what is and things like you said Jennifer, soon he will be reunited with his brothers and fishing again, something he can't do now, but will be soon.

Peace~!
 
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Jenifer,

My hearts is constricting for you right now. I think you are grieving for what you have missed all of these years, and you now know for a certainty that he will never be back. That's okay, why shouldn't you cry for your loss?

Why can't you be like Fred? Because Fred's dad probably wasn't ill for so many years.

More than likely, you haven't had that for some time and you are grieving it.

Jenifer, I pray for peace in your heart now.
 
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It's ok to cry now - he's your Dad, and you will miss him when he's gone even more than you've missed the parts of him that Parkinson's stole away all these years.

Fred can smile because it's done - he was able to plan and then enjoy a celebration of his Dad's life and the impact he made on people while he was here. When your turn comes you'll be able to stop worrying over the illness and suffering and begin really celebrating the blessings you've enjoyed from your Dad. There is a time for every emotion, don't feel badly for your tears.
 
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Aw Jenifer - my heart goes out to you. It's OK to cry; your tears are a testament to how much you care about your Dad and how much he will be missed. The saddest thing in the world is when someone passes away and not a single tear is shed. You ARE like Fred; you just have a different way of showing it.
 
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You can't be like Fred, because you aren't Fred....You will grieve for each person who passes differently and on your terms and how it works for you. All I know is you should not fight how your head and heart want to grieve or when or where...It is not good for your health or wellbeing...So cry and cry often if you must, there will be a time for laughter, memories and celebration when you are ready, That time just may not be right now...
 
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Thanks everyone, my Dad is doing better and it's looking like he could win this go-round. His blood pressure is still all over the map but everything else is stable.
 
Just wanted to say my Dad passed this morning at 10:45, I pray he was fishing by 10:46. It's been an emotional roller coaster that's finally over and I have no hope of ever being like Fred.
On a lighter note, you know how I took in a stray cat last summer? Well she really missed me this week - This morning while I was waiting on customers she brought me a baby rabbit and dropped it at their feet. It's kinda ironic they were ordering for a new baby and the rabbit died.
 
Jenifer.

HERE IS A HUUUUGGGGGEEEE HUG.

I'm so sorry. You may think you should be like Fred, but I for one am glad you are just the way you are!:blowkiss:I imagine your dad and uncle are having a great time, the fish in heaven are probably awesome.
 
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KABERS said:
Just wanted to say my Dad passed this morning at 10:45, I pray he was fishing by 10:46. It's been an emotional roller coaster that's finally over and I have no hope of ever being like Fred.
On a lighter note, you know how I took in a stray cat last summer? Well she really missed me this week - This morning while I was waiting on customers she brought me a baby rabbit and dropped it at their feet. It's kinda ironic they were ordering for a new baby and the rabbit died.
Click to expand...

DAD wanted you to know it was ok to "let go"...now......his pole is wet, and his messenger has brought a "gift" ......
 
Haha, Thanks Mikey. I wouldn't consider a dead baby rabbit a very good gift but my Dad did have a great sense of humor. I really want to try a rainbow trout for the casket spray idk i'm not really great at painting flowers. I just went through the whole funeral pics thread for inspiration. We have amazing designers on this board!
 
KABERS said:
Haha, Thanks Mikey. I wouldn't consider a dead baby rabbit a very good gift but my Dad did have a great sense of humor. I really want to try a rainbow trout for the casket spray idk i'm not really great at painting flowers. I just went through the whole funeral pics thread for inspiration. We have amazing designers on this board!
Click to expand...

well, there WAS a "purpose" to this.......I was very tough on a staff member yesterday, I think, and the sudden "quiet" was over-run with a baby muskrat running through our design room, and I'm NOT kidding..I was in the middle of PM'ing a member on FC......it was bedlam, and when you posted about the dead bunny, it was like instant karma!
 
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Jenifer, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure you'll put your heart and soul into your Dad's funeral flowers. I've always felt lucky to be a florist when I do a friend or family member's funeral flowers. It's one last chance to do something loving for that person, when other people don't know what to do. (Ofcourse, those pieces always take me ten times longer to make!) You will be in my thoughts as you take care of this last gift to your Dad.
 
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Jenifer,

I just got home from church and the sermon was on Lazarus. I had prayed for you and your family to have peace in your hearts and this just jumped out at me because you seem to have been beating yourself up for your grief.

Here is a passage for you that I hope will give you comfort. It is before Jesus goes to the tomb to call Lazarus. It is John 11:35.........Jesus wept.
 
Thanks Linda, I don't know why I find it so embarrassing to cry, I always have and that's how my Dad was too. My Dad lived to fish, when the Minister was in his room, he talked about Jesus's first followers being fishermen. When you tell a fisherman a story it always grows and spreads at a phenomenal rate.
 
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KABERS said:
Thanks Linda, I don't know why I find it so embarrassing to cry, I always have and that's how my Dad was too. My Dad lived to fish, when the Minister was in his room, he talked about Jesus's first followers being fishermen. When you tell a fisherman a story it always grows and spreads at a phenomenal rate.
Click to expand...

and from this, stems the memories that will make YOU better, at least good enough to cry.....
 
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Jenifer,
Love and hugs your way. My favorite Psalm is 116:15-18. Just think of the celebration and party they had the other day. Never a bad day of fishing anymore!!
 
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Jenifer,
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad...I know that the tears will stop, in time.
I'm sure that you will do an amazing job on his flowers -HUGS.
Emily
 
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