MANORVILLE
New Member
- Oct 2, 2006
- 1,607
- 337
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- State / Prov
- NEW YORK
Customers Who Talk Dirty & Even Stalk Me!
- Thread starter NavyBrat
- Start date
- Status
Oh Dianne, that's terrible, and it is unfair for you or anyone to have to look over your shoulder every minute and at your every move. Practice caution, keep positive and examine your daily routine, make it safe at every opportunity.
Not just men who behave this way, I had a woman stalker in my former bartending life, that was most freaky, unpleasant and really frightning, but I just happened to work with some great bouncers. Long story, but she was politely ejected and barred. We all used stick together to go home, no-one ever left on their own, you got escorted to your car etc. Not pleasant that you can't just trust and be safe, but just keep your guard up.
Everyone has given you lots of good advice in this thread. Is pepperspray legal to carry there? Perhaps one of those loud panic buttons on your keychain. I would notify police as well, at least then it will be documented.
If the rose man comes back in next week and gives you the same lines, ask him to leave and loudly ask one of your staff to call police.
:flower:
I didn't read your post after I saw the word "p***y*......
That's when you say, "leave NOW and I'm calling the police."
End of story.. And you get a VPO.
That's when you say, "leave NOW and I'm calling the police."
End of story.. And you get a VPO.
Ughh - Tell em to Ping off...
I know, I Know - Not very constructive.. and easy to say.. BUT Really these morons do need to be put in their place - Call the Police and do it now !
Shiit like this can escalate and get out of hand so it needs to be stopped now.
I know, I Know - Not very constructive.. and easy to say.. BUT Really these morons do need to be put in their place - Call the Police and do it now !
Shiit like this can escalate and get out of hand so it needs to be stopped now.
I would have refunded his money, kept the roses & asked him to please leave my store! There is no excuse for what he said! In fact there is no excuse for anykind of impolite or improper customer behavior. We still have the RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE!
Should he return, I would (with a witness) calmly ask him to leave your store and please do not return. If you need to call the police/sheriff to have him removed from your premises than by all means do so! A person who feels they have the right to make such comments is likely capable of something else... do not let him have the control! I mean it, get the authorities involved if you need to! Again, have one of your employees stand by you as you escort him out to witness your behavior in handling the matter. Remember: REMAIN CALM! DO NOT LET HIM GET A RISE OUT OF YOU! STAY POLITE BUT FIRM WHEN YOU ASK HIM TO LEAVE.
Should he return, I would (with a witness) calmly ask him to leave your store and please do not return. If you need to call the police/sheriff to have him removed from your premises than by all means do so! A person who feels they have the right to make such comments is likely capable of something else... do not let him have the control! I mean it, get the authorities involved if you need to! Again, have one of your employees stand by you as you escort him out to witness your behavior in handling the matter. Remember: REMAIN CALM! DO NOT LET HIM GET A RISE OUT OF YOU! STAY POLITE BUT FIRM WHEN YOU ASK HIM TO LEAVE.
Absolutely take no prisoners and make damm sure he knows you mean it.
Forget about being diplomatic or nice - the dude is a sick prick and needs to be treated like the tasteless asshole he proved himself to be.
And I would call the cops and make a report also, just in case.
They're the highly trained professionals, let them do what we pay them for. They have ways of dealing with this kind of behaviour.
Toddxxx
Well-Known Member
Record and report EVERY incident, this helps the cops to help you.
But whatever you do, DO NOT GET A GUN!!!
A toddler took her Grandma's gun out of her purse and shot herself in the chest.
http://www.momlogic.com/2008/06/moms_are_talking_about_288.php
This is just the latest incident, things like this happen all the time. I think it is totally bizzare that people are allowed to walk the streets carrying guns.
How would you feel if an innocent person was injured by YOUR gun?
You're feeling nervous, a guy is creeping you out, you have a gun in your purse. Next thing you know there is a corpse in front of you. Execution is not a suitable punishment for stalking or talking dirty. NO, it's not. Really. Trust me on this one.
But whatever you do, DO NOT GET A GUN!!!
A toddler took her Grandma's gun out of her purse and shot herself in the chest.
http://www.momlogic.com/2008/06/moms_are_talking_about_288.php
This is just the latest incident, things like this happen all the time. I think it is totally bizzare that people are allowed to walk the streets carrying guns.
How would you feel if an innocent person was injured by YOUR gun?
You're feeling nervous, a guy is creeping you out, you have a gun in your purse. Next thing you know there is a corpse in front of you. Execution is not a suitable punishment for stalking or talking dirty. NO, it's not. Really. Trust me on this one.
Mike, yes, men have been on the receiving end, but that's not what this is about really. Nor is it abou how people look or what they are wearing (which doesn't give anyone license to behave like these dolts). It's about fear invading your world. It's about violation and Dianne has been violated. It's all well and good for us to come to her rescue, but the reality is she needs immediate care and help.
Call the police.
V
God I just hate that women are subjected to this crap. We mind our own business and what do we get in return - lunatics with the potential to harm us. 
Dyane, if you are not the gun-carrying or knife wielding type, I'd definitely opt for mace or pepperspray. I'd talk to my local police, go on record about the incidences and order the spray. In many towns, you have to register the spray.
It's easy for all of us to speculate on how both of these idiots will act in the future but we really don't know what is going on in their twisted minds. Do what you need to do in order to feel safe.
I'm sorry that you have to experience this whole unpleasant mess.
Dyane, if you are not the gun-carrying or knife wielding type, I'd definitely opt for mace or pepperspray. I'd talk to my local police, go on record about the incidences and order the spray. In many towns, you have to register the spray.
It's easy for all of us to speculate on how both of these idiots will act in the future but we really don't know what is going on in their twisted minds. Do what you need to do in order to feel safe.
I'm sorry that you have to experience this whole unpleasant mess.
Dianne, I know how unnerving this can be. And I hate to say this but he isn't done. He will be back, and it will get worse. I had it happen to me about a year ago.
I was alone in my shop when a guy came in, he said some very scary things to me. I was so shocked, just like you, I tried to remain professional and just ignore or laugh it off. It didn't work, I finally asked him to leave, 4 times, before he did. I got a partial lincense plate # and called the police. I am so glad that I did, he started calling me and leaving terrible messages at the shop. Then the messages started coming to my home, he had found my home phone # and address. I kept the police informed the entire time. It finally ended when he entered my home when I wasn't home. A neighbor saw him and called the police. They finally were able to do something about him. He ended up in a mental hospital.
It was a very scary time for me. I am single like you and live alone, I had never felt threatened ever before, and this was a nightmare to go through. It took months for me to feel safe.
Be careful, be very aware of your surroundings at all times, and above all do call the police. They need to have everything documented if things do proceed to get worse. It was a bit embarrassing to tell the police officers the things he said to me, but without them having knowledge of what was really taking place, they may not have reacted as quickly as they did. They were wonderful.
I don't mean to scare you, but there are alot of mentally unhinged people out there, and this guy just doesn't sound normal. Something is wrong with him. CALL THE POLICE TODAY!
I was alone in my shop when a guy came in, he said some very scary things to me. I was so shocked, just like you, I tried to remain professional and just ignore or laugh it off. It didn't work, I finally asked him to leave, 4 times, before he did. I got a partial lincense plate # and called the police. I am so glad that I did, he started calling me and leaving terrible messages at the shop. Then the messages started coming to my home, he had found my home phone # and address. I kept the police informed the entire time. It finally ended when he entered my home when I wasn't home. A neighbor saw him and called the police. They finally were able to do something about him. He ended up in a mental hospital.
It was a very scary time for me. I am single like you and live alone, I had never felt threatened ever before, and this was a nightmare to go through. It took months for me to feel safe.
Be careful, be very aware of your surroundings at all times, and above all do call the police. They need to have everything documented if things do proceed to get worse. It was a bit embarrassing to tell the police officers the things he said to me, but without them having knowledge of what was really taking place, they may not have reacted as quickly as they did. They were wonderful.
I don't mean to scare you, but there are alot of mentally unhinged people out there, and this guy just doesn't sound normal. Something is wrong with him. CALL THE POLICE TODAY!
Tracy D'Amico
Well-Known Member
Di, you handled it fine, considering how off-guard we are in our own stores. No one expects that in a public retail environment, and I'm sure he took advantage of that opportunity.
If Mitchell calls & asks for you, tell him point blank that you will not help him any more, due to his inappropriate manner. Tell him if he comes in the store again, you will call the police for harassment. Tell him you've already filed a report with the police because you felt threatened by his behavior. Do it. Paperwork will help. And you're in a small enough town where if the cops know who he is, and know the story..... it will help keep him at bay.
The other little man needs to know his boundaries - if you can't tell him, have a man tell him for you, in a not gentle manner.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Don't let them take up too much of your thoughts, it's precisely what they want.
tracy
If Mitchell calls & asks for you, tell him point blank that you will not help him any more, due to his inappropriate manner. Tell him if he comes in the store again, you will call the police for harassment. Tell him you've already filed a report with the police because you felt threatened by his behavior. Do it. Paperwork will help. And you're in a small enough town where if the cops know who he is, and know the story..... it will help keep him at bay.
The other little man needs to know his boundaries - if you can't tell him, have a man tell him for you, in a not gentle manner.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Don't let them take up too much of your thoughts, it's precisely what they want.
tracy
Mr. Mitchell: "Well..Reds...I'll be ordering more flowers next week. We'll talk about this when I come back."
This guy is dangerous. His parting words to you were chilling.
Don't worry about how you handled the situation, it's over. Concern yourself with your next move. CALL the police. This guy is dangerous. He obviously has no sense of right or wrong.
He sounds to me like a Psychopath or suffers from dissocial personality dissorder. He is a
predator who "uses charm, manipulation, intimidation, sex and violence to control others and to satisfy his own selfish needs. Lacking in conscience and empathy, they take what they want and do as they please, violating social norms and expectations without guilt or remorse. What is missing, in other words, are the very qualities that allow a human being to live in social harmony."
This guy sounds like he fits the bill.
saying what he did to you was not "normal"or exceptable behavior, there is something wrong with this guy.
Take the very good advise you have gotten here from others and protect yourself. NEVER be alone in your shop. When he comes back,(and he will) call the police.
Jennifer
This guy is dangerous. His parting words to you were chilling.
Don't worry about how you handled the situation, it's over. Concern yourself with your next move. CALL the police. This guy is dangerous. He obviously has no sense of right or wrong.
He sounds to me like a Psychopath or suffers from dissocial personality dissorder. He is a
predator who "uses charm, manipulation, intimidation, sex and violence to control others and to satisfy his own selfish needs. Lacking in conscience and empathy, they take what they want and do as they please, violating social norms and expectations without guilt or remorse. What is missing, in other words, are the very qualities that allow a human being to live in social harmony."
This guy sounds like he fits the bill.
saying what he did to you was not "normal"or exceptable behavior, there is something wrong with this guy.
Take the very good advise you have gotten here from others and protect yourself. NEVER be alone in your shop. When he comes back,(and he will) call the police.
Jennifer
Sorry this happened to you Dianne,but it is not always guys who act this way I got a whack job a few months back and being the only male designer at the shop the other designers bring it up fom time to time and it still upsets me (hope one of you read this post).I handled it by escorting them directly out of the store they have not been back however I think they were drinking and are probably embarassed.I told the store manager and the company supported my decission we are proffesionals and expect a certain amount of abuse from customers but this type of behavior is crossing the line.I would make a police report to protect yourself in case they come back at least the police will have it on file.
It is a scary world our daughter is going to be sixteen and we still will not let her walk home alone from school or to go to the store by herself.
It is a scary world our daughter is going to be sixteen and we still will not let her walk home alone from school or to go to the store by herself.
CHERYL BAKIN
New Member
Diane:
So sorry that this has happened to you. Both of these men are quite dangerous.
Please print out our opening email to us & go file police report immediately. Take the customer information on Mr. Mitchell with you, and after the police report is filed, ask that a police officer go & visit him, and advise him to take his business elsewhere.
Both of these guys are lonely stalkers. It will not stop here. Someone will end up hurt....or worse.
Be careful, my friend!
Cheryl
So sorry that this has happened to you. Both of these men are quite dangerous.
Please print out our opening email to us & go file police report immediately. Take the customer information on Mr. Mitchell with you, and after the police report is filed, ask that a police officer go & visit him, and advise him to take his business elsewhere.
Both of these guys are lonely stalkers. It will not stop here. Someone will end up hurt....or worse.
Be careful, my friend!
Cheryl
Connie
New Member
Dianne, I do hate this for you! Such great advice as you have been given here, such as filing a report with the police, refusing to keep the customer, never being alone, and learning self-defense techniques, are invaluable.
We had a high school girl working for us afternoons and during the summer. She finally told me that one of our regular customers, the father of one of her classmates, was saying inappropriate things to her and was making opportunities ("Help me pick out something from the front of the shop.") to be with her away from other employees. We made a point of making certain that this young girl never had to wait on him or even be in his sight when he came in. In other words, she was sent to a part of the shop where she was out of sight. He would ask for and about her, but we always told him that she was "out." (out of sight) This soon stopped his coming in.
I realize that your situation is probably more dangerous than this one was, and I now understand that we should have taken stronger action. In this day and age, one cannot be too careful, especially about such things.
I'm thinking about you and praying for you, my dear FC friend. You are a wonderful person, and we all want the best for you.
BTW, the incident with the 4-year old getting her grandmother's gun out of the grandmother's purse and shooting herself in the chest occurred in a neighboring town, in our delivery area.
We had a high school girl working for us afternoons and during the summer. She finally told me that one of our regular customers, the father of one of her classmates, was saying inappropriate things to her and was making opportunities ("Help me pick out something from the front of the shop.") to be with her away from other employees. We made a point of making certain that this young girl never had to wait on him or even be in his sight when he came in. In other words, she was sent to a part of the shop where she was out of sight. He would ask for and about her, but we always told him that she was "out." (out of sight) This soon stopped his coming in.
I realize that your situation is probably more dangerous than this one was, and I now understand that we should have taken stronger action. In this day and age, one cannot be too careful, especially about such things.
I'm thinking about you and praying for you, my dear FC friend. You are a wonderful person, and we all want the best for you.
BTW, the incident with the 4-year old getting her grandmother's gun out of the grandmother's purse and shooting herself in the chest occurred in a neighboring town, in our delivery area.
There's a small recording device you can purchase at any electronic store. If you can record his exact words, that might help the cop to arrest this Mitchell guy who is probably sick. I'm not sure about permissibility of the recording as evidence to the court, though.
Been there, done this. I feel for you because it is all so scary and unnerving. I have had this happen often in many places throughout my life. Thank goodness, not in my own store yet. I have been harassed and stalked at work, by strangers, by ex's, by coworkers. There are a ton of creeps out there. What I do is outline their future for them. I tell them that I am reporting each and every incident, making an appointment with the prosecutor, I tell them that I will defend myself with every resource I have available....legal and not! I tell them they will be in jail with only vague memories of me. I tell them that this is their one and only chance to change their future by never speaking to me that way again or behaving that way again. It sickens me that most of them are not intimidated by the legal system at all. Restraining orders are pieces of paper and usually just tick them off. I took martial arts for years and have other means of defending myself and I would do whatever is necessary to protect myself. I have been advised to change my routine, stay away from places that they might be, never go anywhere alone......why should we have to change our lives for these idiots?! That makes us even more victimized. The good news is that laws are changing and they are getting more serious about putting them in prison.
Take care of yourself always!
Take care of yourself always!
Trish
New Member
- Jan 21, 2007
- 61
- 15
- 0
- State / Prov
- Oklahoma Ndn means RED MAN
Make a police report now. I had a guy come into my shop that was a serial killer.
We saw him on t.v. when he was arrested and I have been going to court the last
9 years testifying against him because of what he did to us. This is serious business and I say do something now!
We saw him on t.v. when he was arrested and I have been going to court the last
9 years testifying against him because of what he did to us. This is serious business and I say do something now!
This community is so awesome! I would like to thank all of you for your comments, concern and especially your valued friendship. I received oodles of PM's and sincerely appreciate your encouragement and words of wisdom.
As many of you know, I am a domestic violence counselor. I work with three different police departments to counsel victims of domestic violence. I have been a counselor for over 6 years. I am more than familiar with the behavior of stalkers, restraining orders, safety planning and the cycle of violence. I have many contacts with the police department, and they have been notified of the situation with the man who is stalking me. Unfortunately, the laws in many states need to be changed. Because this man has not threatened me in an aggressive or harmful manner, the only recourse I have is to file a restraining order. I have chosen not to do so. In my case, I feel that filing a restraining order may only escalate the stalking. More often than not, a restraining order will only anger the stalker and he may become violent. I am not willing to risk the danger. I have had the police check the stalker's criminal history, and he has no record of violent behavior. I have asked the police to increase the patrols at my shop and home. I can only be vigilant at this point...always be aware of my surroundings and hope that he will tire of his relentless pursuit. I have made my close friends and acquaintances aware of the situation, and feel that many people are watching out for me. I am doing the best I can do deal with the situation. It is difficult for any woman to deal with a stalker, but I am trying to keep my wits. I refuse to let his stalking ruin my life.
Sorry...but I strongly disagree. The "attention" that I provided Mr. Mitchell was strictly professionalism. I refuse to pretend I'm "deaf" and not acknowledge what my customers are saying to me. I heard him loud and clear, and he heard me. My answer was a firm "NO"...your behavior is unacceptable. I believe I handled the situation to the best of my ability. I completed the sale quickly and told him he must leave the shop.
I have been trained in firearms as part of my becoming a domestic violence counselor. I do carry mace, but I would never consider threatening anyone with a knife or gun. It's just my personal preference. I understand that others feel comfortable carrying weapons, but I do not.
Sorry...but I strongly disagree, again. The more dangerous of the two is definitely the man who is stalking me. Mr. Mitchell is a certified pervert, in my opinion. He probably thinks he is funny with his sexual connotations and enjoys the "thrill" of speaking to women in a derogative manner. He needs a good kick in the balls. However, rest assured, if he ever comes into my shop again and is verbally abusive in any fashion, I will call the police immediately.
The man stalking on me on the other hand, is extremely dangerous. His relentless pursuit of my affection has gone on for over two months. I have no way of knowing what his next plan is to capture my attention. I don't have much recourse legally. My best hope is that he will lose interest, and that may only happen if he finds a new object of his affections. How sad is that? I don't wish that on anyone.
If I wasn't so completely taken off guard, perhaps my keen sense of wit would have prevailed. No woman is prepared to be accosted in this manner. You are in complete shock, and my first reaction was to complete the sale and get him out of the shop...pronto!
I totally disagree with Kenji's advice. To ignore this customer and turn a "deaf" ear was not the appropriate way to handle the situation. Perhaps I should have told him to leave immediately and not complete the sale, but acting like I didn't understand his intentions was not an option for me.
You're extremely lucky the situation did not escalate with the man you encountered in your shop. Take heart...like me, you were confronted with a situation that confounded you. Stating that you were "flattered" could have really set this pervert off. Words must be chosen carefully when dealing with this type of customer. Lesson learned for both of us. If I'm ever confronted with this type of verbal abuse again, I will call the police immediately.
No...I have not Googled Mr. Mitchell's info. I was too busy today with graduation orders to take any action. I will contact the police chief tomorrow and make him aware of the situation. I will ask the police to do a criminal background check on Mr. Mitchell.
Agreed! A complete jerk! I truly believe Mr. Mitchell is harmless to me...he's just a total pervert! I will be more than willing to teach him a lesson in etiquette if he ever comes into my shop again. Thanks for agreeing that I was right to stand up for myself and say "NO!"
Perhaps it is time to come of age and install some security measures in my shop. I want to keep myself and my staff well protected. 30 years in biz and never felt the need...the times they are a changin'! Thank you for the sound advice.
Thanks for agreeing that I handled the situation to the best of my ability in the face of adversity. I was shocked and appalled, and felt I did the best to diffuse the situation quickly and professionally. Thanks for offering a shoulder to lean on.
Tracy,
Thanks for your support and friendship. I was thrown completely off guard. I will be better prepared if the situation arises again.
As many of you know, I am a domestic violence counselor. I work with three different police departments to counsel victims of domestic violence. I have been a counselor for over 6 years. I am more than familiar with the behavior of stalkers, restraining orders, safety planning and the cycle of violence. I have many contacts with the police department, and they have been notified of the situation with the man who is stalking me. Unfortunately, the laws in many states need to be changed. Because this man has not threatened me in an aggressive or harmful manner, the only recourse I have is to file a restraining order. I have chosen not to do so. In my case, I feel that filing a restraining order may only escalate the stalking. More often than not, a restraining order will only anger the stalker and he may become violent. I am not willing to risk the danger. I have had the police check the stalker's criminal history, and he has no record of violent behavior. I have asked the police to increase the patrols at my shop and home. I can only be vigilant at this point...always be aware of my surroundings and hope that he will tire of his relentless pursuit. I have made my close friends and acquaintances aware of the situation, and feel that many people are watching out for me. I am doing the best I can do deal with the situation. It is difficult for any woman to deal with a stalker, but I am trying to keep my wits. I refuse to let his stalking ruin my life.
Kenji,
Sorry...but I strongly disagree. The "attention" that I provided Mr. Mitchell was strictly professionalism. I refuse to pretend I'm "deaf" and not acknowledge what my customers are saying to me. I heard him loud and clear, and he heard me. My answer was a firm "NO"...your behavior is unacceptable. I believe I handled the situation to the best of my ability. I completed the sale quickly and told him he must leave the shop.
Rhonda,
I have been trained in firearms as part of my becoming a domestic violence counselor. I do carry mace, but I would never consider threatening anyone with a knife or gun. It's just my personal preference. I understand that others feel comfortable carrying weapons, but I do not.
Kenji,
Sorry...but I strongly disagree, again. The more dangerous of the two is definitely the man who is stalking me. Mr. Mitchell is a certified pervert, in my opinion. He probably thinks he is funny with his sexual connotations and enjoys the "thrill" of speaking to women in a derogative manner. He needs a good kick in the balls. However, rest assured, if he ever comes into my shop again and is verbally abusive in any fashion, I will call the police immediately.
The man stalking on me on the other hand, is extremely dangerous. His relentless pursuit of my affection has gone on for over two months. I have no way of knowing what his next plan is to capture my attention. I don't have much recourse legally. My best hope is that he will lose interest, and that may only happen if he finds a new object of his affections. How sad is that? I don't wish that on anyone.
Joe,
If I wasn't so completely taken off guard, perhaps my keen sense of wit would have prevailed. No woman is prepared to be accosted in this manner. You are in complete shock, and my first reaction was to complete the sale and get him out of the shop...pronto!
Cathy,
I totally disagree with Kenji's advice. To ignore this customer and turn a "deaf" ear was not the appropriate way to handle the situation. Perhaps I should have told him to leave immediately and not complete the sale, but acting like I didn't understand his intentions was not an option for me.
You're extremely lucky the situation did not escalate with the man you encountered in your shop. Take heart...like me, you were confronted with a situation that confounded you. Stating that you were "flattered" could have really set this pervert off. Words must be chosen carefully when dealing with this type of customer. Lesson learned for both of us. If I'm ever confronted with this type of verbal abuse again, I will call the police immediately.
No...I have not Googled Mr. Mitchell's info. I was too busy today with graduation orders to take any action. I will contact the police chief tomorrow and make him aware of the situation. I will ask the police to do a criminal background check on Mr. Mitchell.
Twila,
Agreed! A complete jerk! I truly believe Mr. Mitchell is harmless to me...he's just a total pervert! I will be more than willing to teach him a lesson in etiquette if he ever comes into my shop again. Thanks for agreeing that I was right to stand up for myself and say "NO!"
Kevin,
Perhaps it is time to come of age and install some security measures in my shop. I want to keep myself and my staff well protected. 30 years in biz and never felt the need...the times they are a changin'! Thank you for the sound advice.
Thanks for agreeing that I handled the situation to the best of my ability in the face of adversity. I was shocked and appalled, and felt I did the best to diffuse the situation quickly and professionally. Thanks for offering a shoulder to lean on.
Tracy,
Thanks for your support and friendship. I was thrown completely off guard. I will be better prepared if the situation arises again.
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