I need some help - Handling difficult customers - INTERNALLY

[Sarah Botchick]

I need a little help from fellow business people. I have a problem I am trying to work thru... As wholesalers, we get unhappy customers, the same as you florists. Even when we do our absolute best. Sometimes we are wrong, and we take every measure to fix it. Sometimes, we are not wrong. Either way, we try to always take the attitude that the customer is always right, no matter what, and we honor whatever request they make of us. Here's where my problem comes in though - I can handle it just fine with the customers - I have worked extensively at improving my customer service skills thru reading a multitude of books, and it is actually working. Usually. But INTERNALLY, I end up a mess. The last time this happened, I literally shook for an hour after that phone call. I was so nauseated I could barely stay at work. And I cried the whole way home. For two days I had a monster migraine. I know I need to get over this, and fast. Because there are always going to be people like this in the world. And as my family situation changes within the company and I gain more responsibility, I am going to have to deal with more of them. Has anyone else had a problem like this (with yourself, not with the customers)? If so, what do you to deal on a PERSONAL level, internally within yourself?

 

[emilymoonflower]

Hi Sarah,
Sorry to hear about your dealings with the B***h. Whenever a situation such as yours happened to me I would be a mess for the next day or so; second-guessing myself, thinking that I could have done something different, etc..
My way of dealing with it was to vent, have a good cry (great emotional release, BTW), and try not to be so hard on myself in future. I guess that I grew some balls along the way because now I totally detach myself emotionally, take a deep breath and get on with my day. One great thing that my fellow Flower Chatters have taught me is that there will always be people in the world whose sole purpose in life is to mess with people's heads and make them feel miserable- I now get that and, instead of beating myself up, I just feel sorry for them -with an attitude like that I'm sure that they lack friends!
So, Sarah, do whatever makes you feel better -cry, vent, go for a walk, go home and punch a pillow; just don't blame yourself.
Hope this helps!
Emily

 

[Rhonda]

Sarah, gee sounds like my day. First time EVER in over 35 years, I've been scammed by a customer for funeral flowers. She had a gorgeous easel spray throughout the visitation, complained this a.m., I refunded her money then picked up the spray before the funeral service. Needless to say, there were two bruised daisy PETALS on one flower. Funeral Director told me the widow had asked for this spray to be placed at the graveside. Well, I own it so it came back with me.
Yes, my blood pressure rose, I kept calm and answered her first lies - it was supposed to have yellow roses! No ma'am, we had no yellow roses and I did tell you that when you ordered it.... well then she went to dead daisies, dead tulips, and on......
My blood pressure really rose when I picked up the spray and found two petals only. My hands shook as I carried it out of the funeral home, placed it in my van and as I took a picture of the entire spray.....

Oh, I got my "revenge" in a subtle way. I left a message on her phone stating that I had picked up the offending spray and what the funeral director had been requested by the widow.
BTW, having never been scammed before, my policy has now changed. No refunds whatsoever (I know most of you do this but I've never, ever had problems like this)... Store Credit or replacement only.
Take a chill pill, I have (well in the form of food LOL) and tomorrow will be another day. It does make it worse when someone bald face lies to you doesn't it. Makes me feel like a better person knowing I used the best customer service I could have. But also that policies have now changed and that woman's account has a black mark and reminder in it's notes! We will not take orders from her nor to her ever again.

 

[Victoria]

Sarah, first good for you for your professionalism in dealing with this individual.

I just have a question... what was the end result with her? We know what it was for you.

Did she continue to holler and be unreasonable or did she finally let it go?

Something I have learned over the years. If I have done my level best to give an upset client the very best of me, and they continue to rail like a lunatic, I send them packing... politely of course.

I still get upset but I won't allow that person to have any more power over me or my life. Sometimes there is no pleasing a person. Imagine waking up every day in their head. I often think someone has peed in their cornflakes every day of life.

Let it go my dear. Your worth runs circles around a crazy person.

V

 

[Palms]

Sarah, firstly you are totally normal for feeling like this. I have let customer complaints ruin my day in the past, i have cried and been in generally a down mood over it. I generally think that they are going to get me shut down... well i used to.

Now, i do what you do and deal with it professionally, have a good old rant and rave with whoever is working with me at the time, i come on here and have a moan. Then... i let it go.. Chezbloom usually does me a voodoo doll and we stick cyber pins in her!!! That works really well.

Laugh, laugh and laugh some more. Imagine how sad their life is that they have to try to make someone miserable and then think how lovely your life is. This bit is @@@@@y but think about something horrible about them and then laugh at it... i swear it works.. laughter is the best medicine for horrid horrid people.

Ps... I have just mentally stood on her toe in some very high heels and she didnt even have any shoes on... lol HOpe that hurts the witch!!

 

[emilymoonflower]

Palms,
I want a voodoo doll too!
Emily

 

[Sarah Botchick]

Thank you all for your kind words and advice. Paula - thanks for the laugh!!

V, the end result is that she finished her order (this all happened while she was calling to place an order.) I see more future trouble though...

Rhonda, I am very sorry for your situation. Good for you for black marking her. I so wish I could do that. But my dad won't let us turn ANY customers away, no matter how much trouble they cause, no matter how much they cost us in customer service issues, no matter how many times they scream and rant and rave at those of us on the phone. He says we need every one of them. I do not agree. But I don't sign the paychecks. Therefore I just have to obey.

I did go for a walk, cry, went to a friend's house to play cards and vented to her (she owns her own bakery so she understands.) I still have the stupid migraine. I wish I could figure how to not get upset in the first place! Sometimes... I just really wish I had a guy's brain. They don't get upset by stuff like this!

 

[Victoria]

Sometimes... I just really wish I had a guy's brain. They don't get upset by stuff like this!

But honey... then the brain would be in the wrong place.

V

 

[CHR]

Sarah -

When you become a robot and stop caring about your customers, then you'll be able to easily shake off abusive idiots.

As long as you're human, you'll feel it, especially when it comes from someone with whom you've had a long-standing business relationship.

When someone goes over the deep end on a complaint, one coping technique that seems to help is to count 'victories' (the many happy customers you do have). It's a concrete reminder that the you're doing the right thing every day.

 

[Sarah Botchick]

But honey... then the brain would be in the wrong place.

V

You have no idea how hard I am laughing right now.

 

[Victoria]

You have no idea how hard I am laughing right now.

Laughter is the best medicine.

V

 

[theRKF]

As a guy, and speaking from the "North" brain, I want you to know that we feel it too.

Just yesterday I was discussing this with a colleague whose business has been disrupted by a client screwing them on a big contract. During the conversation I estimated that within the last year or so we've had clients default on approximately $10k (mostly florists, and one pretentious HVAC company). We even had someone sign up for an annual FC membership then file a chargeback ...

I can tell you that each of these situations bothered me - probably more than they should. And they still bother me every time I look through an AR ledger, but in the end it's important to have your priorities and values firmly in mind before these situations so that they can't rock your boat too much. And don't over-react

 

[Sarah Botchick]

Thanks Ryan. I know guys have feelings too, it just seems that they can take more than us chics. Even when we are not hormonal!

My dad can't comprehend how sick I get from working the phones... His answer to everything is just "don't let it bother you." Oddly enough, if you knew the two of us, I am about 98% him and 2% my mom - in looks, personality, everything. BUT... I didn't inherit the ability to let these people roll off my back. Which I really could have used!

 

[anytimeflowers]

Sarah,

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I know exactly how you are feeling, I get terrible migraines that I have to work with, still be nice, kind, yadayada. But mine are fewer than they used to be and here is the "magic pill".

I deal with A LOT of funerals, and these people are under stress, so they are reacting in their various ways. Some of them can be quite, shall we say difficult.

I have finally, finally learned to not take any of it personally, which is what you are doing. Funeral directors have to learn how to do this, so that they can get through their jobs. You cannot internalize it, you have to keep uppermost in your mind that clearly this person is stressed and THAT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Certainly not robotic, that would never fly for a CSR.

If you can find a way to feel sorry for that person, instead of feeling like you are being personally attacked, you will come through it much less shaken. You can then sympathize, empathize, and really FEEL calm during and after, instead of getting caught up into their state of mind.

I don't know if this will make any sense to right now, or even how well you can read it. It's sort of like walking in the shoes of another person, but at the same time, walking in a different direction than they were heading.

I do so hope that helps. If you have faith, it also helps to visualize bagging up that burden and handing it off. (and don't pick it back up when you walk away, LEAVE IT!)

xoxoxoxoo Linda

 

[Rhonda]

I guess the old adage of "working with the public" also goes for "working with some business people".
Glad you're finally smiling............ Now Go To Work LOL

 

[Sarah Botchick]

Thanks Linda, that is all really good advice.

I did actually feel sorry for her. I thought how difficult it must be for her to be in the business. And I tried to think that maybe she was just stressed because of the holiday/proms coming up. Actually we are very used to getting beat up around holiday times. Its kind of the equivalent of your funeral customers...

I guess that old saying that your best qualities are also your worst ones is true. The fact that I care deeply and am sensitive to people is usually a good quality. And the fact is that with most customers, it probably does help... just not with a few.

One of our sales reps one day was explaining what he had gone thru with a few particularly difficult customers and I asked him, "How do you cope with that?" His answer - "You gotta like money." I am trying to adopt that mentality too. Just accept that this is what I have to cope with to keep my health insurance and make my car payment...

 

[blumen]

Whenever I have to deal with a difficult person, I often think, "Thank God I'm not related to them and have to deal with them everyday!" It helps to put it in perspective.

But I see a difficult person as someone who is unhappy with life and/or with themselves. Their attack is not personal; you just happen to be what set them off today. It helps to say a prayer for them. They are the one living in their skins, and they are not happy.

 

[BOSS]

BOSS's Quote of the Day~!

But I see a difficult person as someone who is unhappy with life and/or with themselves. Their attack is not personal; you just happen to be what set them off today. It helps to say a prayer for them. They are the one living in their skins, and they are not happy.

No truer words....

 

[Snapdragon Studio]

We have to remember that we only have the power to change US. Some people just aren't happy unless they are miserable... no matter WHAT you do to try and make things better. I find that I'll repeat conversations after the fact for HOURS, discovering what I could have said, or... wishing I had delivered that one "zinger" that would have shut the person up. I've discovered that it really helps to turn off that tape recorder in my head - try not to rehash the convo or continue to dwell on it. Instead, I repeat the TRUTH. In this case you might tell yourself "There is nothing I could have done to help her, she's simply an unhappy person. She's just miserable, and I hope she finds happiness.... etc. etc. blah blah blah" I sometimes have to go so far as to tell myself to STOP when I'm dwelling. Anyway, after a while it becomes more natural and I found myself dwelling less and less and feeling less and less responsible.

Good luck!

 

[herndonflorist]

I attended a lecture very early in my carreer where the lecturer told us that when someone blows up at you they were primed to do so.You were just the last straw in that persons string of things that had gone wrong for them and they decided to take out their anger on you. Do not take it personaly....just ask them what they would like you to do to make it all better....take your cue from that. sometimes they will say there is nothing you can do, and in that case say im very sorry you feel this way and wish them the best of luck. Nothing will give you more satisfaction than to let someone who treats you unfairly go....valued customer or not!