O.J. Simpson/Please Recognize Victims Of Domestic Violence

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How quickly the tides can turn. I'm so sorry you are being subjected to this. Know that you deserve better, that people who don't even have any connection to you are sending positive thoughts your way.

When I was a very young foolish girl, I used to stand between a friend and her abusive gigantic tree of a husband. For some reason, he never scared or bothered me. I know she was so grateful, until they separated at last, and she was free. I hope you have foolish friends like me where you are.

hugs and wishes for strength!

tracy
 
Lorrie-Reaching Out To You!

Bumping this thread to remind all today is purple ribbon day- please do it for all victims. This is a horrible crime that is not recognized or well addressed in this country. Please do it for them, please do it for me.

Dear Lorrie,

I knew in my heart after reading your post that you were a victim of domestic violence. I should have sent you a PM or tried to phone you today. I just called the tollfree number I posted 800-799-7233 and there are volunteers on call ready to assist you. I asked the volunteer if they were available Thanksgiving weekend and she stated the phones are operational 24/7. I am sorry that you have had to endure the abuse without any assistance. Lorrie-please, please, call the number when you read this message. Please call me when you have a moment...any time...day or night...I am here for you. My contact numbers: Home: 856-727-4145, Cell: 609-230-2225, Pager: 856-216-6406, Flower Shop: 800-448-2216. I am here for you and understand the trauma you are facing. You should have been able to obtain a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order) immediately at your local police station and the FRO (Final Restraining Order) should be validated within 10 days. Please call the national hotline right away, as I am not familiar with the services available to you in Florida. Please call me after you speak with them. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
 
Many ears and eyes are here Lorrie, and anyone else who needs them. Many of us have walked the same path. We understand.

V
 
Dianne,

I am a business owner, home owner, Masters level educated woman, who has raised 2 wonderful successful children. For years when I was working in the hospital I would advise other women to "get a restraining order" as if it was a simple thing to do, out of ignorance. This past weekend I became a victim.
The person I have shared my life with for 6 years trashed my store twice in two days, threatened me with a knife and stalked me. I had to close the store for two days and when I finally came out of my home, he chased me with his car--right into the police station.

It has been a horrible, very scary and frustrating week. I learned that the perpetrator has more rights than I do and that getting a restraining order is no easy task. I spent a day in court and have to go back again-with a lawyer- in two weeks. I am very afraid. There are no LOCAL support groups, and all the HOT LINE numbers were closed for the holiday weekend.

I got one H##l of an education this weekend! I am afraid for myself and family and furious at the system as it is now. Things have to change in this county, I can not imagine a poor uneducated woman trying to get through what I have gotten through the last week. Purple ribbons are not enough. As soon as my own mess settles I will be doing whatever it takes to help in my town. Until then the doors remain locked on my shop , only letting in those who ring the door bell, and I AM AFRAID.
Lorrie,

I am afraid for you. I have been there too. Diane sounds like an awesome resource... I hope you will call her. And let us know if you're okay.

Beth :~(
 
The cemeteries and shelters for abused women and children are full of victims of restraining orders... utter nonsense on both sides of the border.

It is paper and doesn't protect a soul... if anything it creates even more of an incentive for the abuser, stalker, what have you.

Yeah yeah, I know, it starts a paper trail. Again, tell that to the victims who don't make it... "We started a paper trail." Toilet paper leaves a trail... at least there's a use for toilet paper.

Lorrie I have no words... just thoughts and prayers for your safety and strength to rise above the system that still subjegates women.

V
 
Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts and deeds. Dianne and Sher you are AWESOME friends! I am taking each bit of information offered and using it to the best of my ability. He is still locked up- I hope for a while longer. I have discovered some serious problems at the bank with the store account so just taking his name of the signers list is not enough and monday I will have to open a new account etc. New locks are also in order in several places. David(my son) and I are safe and are looking forward. Got to go back to court on the 11th.
On a more positive note, this experiance has really opened my eyes and I will be doing something to help out with a newly formed support group in our area. The system here is sooo messed up it is disgusting.
Thank you all for your support, it means everything to me!
 
Make sure you advise your suppliers that the "person" in question has no authority in your business.

My friend was a victim in a similar situation. He lied his way into the bank account because she didn't advise everyone that he was a persona non grata.

I'm glad you are taking positive steps forward Lorrie.

V
 
The cemeteries and shelters for abused women and children are full of victims of restraining orders... utter nonsense on both sides of the border.

It is paper and doesn't protect a soul... if anything it creates even more of an incentive for the abuser, stalker, what have you.

Yeah yeah, I know, it starts a paper trail. Again, tell that to the victims who don't make it... "We started a paper trail." Toilet paper leaves a trail... at least there's a use for toilet paper.

Lorrie I have no words... just thoughts and prayers for your safety and strength to rise above the system that still subjegates women.

V

Victoria,

I agree with you completely with regard to the problems surrounding restraining orders and their enforcement. It is a major problem. However, filing a restraining order indeed EMPOWERS a victim and is the first step in successfully leaving her abuser.

Dear Abby used to say restraining orders weren't worth the paper they're written on. While that may be overstating the issue, it is important to know what they can and cannot do. Statutes can and do vary by state and country. It's important to contact an advocate or attorney to learn about the specific laws where you live.

Truly dangerous, psychotic and murderous people may ignore the order. They aren't worried about being arrested, so don't expect a court order to hold any sway over them. Also, when the perp is served with the order, statistically that point in time is the most dangerous and violent time in the relationship. Many perps respond with outrage and violence. Take that into account when you file for an order. Make sure you are in a safe place after you file the restraining order. Learn and understand safety plans for keeping you from danger.

Having said that, restraining orders have been remarkably effective in stopping abuse. Abuse and rape are issues of power and control. When a restraining order is granted, the power equation of the relationship undergoes a dramatic change.The victim is no longer alone and helpless. She is no longer an easy target, to be beaten and abused without regard to the consequences. Now she has powerful friends.

When a perp is served an restraining order, he often charges to his victim's house to beat her in retaliation. But if she is prepared, she dials 9-1-1 as soon as she sees him, and reports a violation of a protection order. The police arrive and arrest him. Sometimes, one arrest is all it takes. No matter how tough the perp thought he was, when he is lying face-down in the grass with one officer handcuffing him and another officer kneeling on his neck, he is forced to re-evaluate the situation. It's not always that simple, but the beauty of a court order is that it places the police, the prosecutors, the judges and the jailers on the side of the victim. The victim should report every violation, no matter how minor, by calling 9-1-1. With a restraining order, each violation increases the severity of the punishment. Every violation should still be recorded by calling 9-1-1 so the judge can see a record of continued violations and act accordingly. Restraining orders can be an important tool in the victim's quest for a safe and happy life.

The biggest issue to me is the lack of programs available in the country to break the cycle of violence. Until the cycle of violence is broken, abuse will continue in the family throughout generations. A batterer will keep moving through the cycle unless he receives some major, intensive intervention. "Anger Management" doesn't work. Marriage Counseling doesn't work. Most programs for batterers have only about a 5% success rate. The newest programs seem to be more successful, but they are rare, and lack of government funding has made them even more scarce. The cycle of violence continues...and this is the biggest problem with our system!

None of this is exactly happy news. But it's the truth. A victim's best course of action is to contact her local domestic violence prevention agency. Call their emergency hotline and get some advice. You don't have to tell them your name; you don't have to make any decisions yet. Just start finding out what your options are. Let them start helping you so you can break this cycle of violence for yourself and your children.

My role as a DVRT is to provide comfort and compassion to victims of domestic violence. I discuss the importance of filing restraining orders against their abusers and provide the victims with information on the services available to them in the State Of NJ. I can only hope that I make a difference in the life of each victim I see and I continue to pray for peace in the family and improvements in the programs available to stop the violence.
 
Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts and deeds. Dianne and Sher you are AWESOME friends! I am taking each bit of information offered and using it to the best of my ability. He is still locked up- I hope for a while longer. I have discovered some serious problems at the bank with the store account so just taking his name of the signers list is not enough and monday I will have to open a new account etc. New locks are also in order in several places. David(my son) and I are safe and are looking forward. Got to go back to court on the 11th.
On a more positive note, this experiance has really opened my eyes and I will be doing something to help out with a newly formed support group in our area. The system here is sooo messed up it is disgusting.
Thank you all for your support, it means everything to me!

Lorrie,

It is wonderful to have you as a friend! It was nice to speak with you and I hope I was able to provide a measure of peace and comfort to you. Please, please remember...I am only a phone call away! Do not hesitate to call me when you need a shoulder to lean on, anytime, day or night! I will continue to pray for peace for you and your family. Blessings to you, today and always!
 
These cuts will also affect abused women's issues in this country, according to the head of the Women's Shelter in this city.

V

Women upset with cuts to Status of Women Canada take protest to the web JAMES KELLER

HALIFAX (CP) - Joanne Hussey says Prime Minister Stephen Harper owes her 29 cents - the amount of money, for every dollar, that Canadian women earn less than men.

It's the message behind a campaign she and four other Halifax women have started, setting up a website and distributing pins and postcards to argue funding cuts to Status of Women Canada will only maintain that disparity.

And what began as a local project to pique interest in the Nova Scotia capital has quickly grown, with thousands of hits on the site and e-mails of support from across the country.

"I think that it's really important the government knows that there isn't widespread support for these types of decisions," says Hussey.

"We don't want our government making decisions that reverse strides that have been made over the last 20 and 30 years."

Hussey's website - www.thewomenareangry.org - is one of at least two such efforts that have sprouted up since Heritage Minister Bev Oda announced $5 million in cuts to Status of Women Canada's annual budget, effective April 1.

The cuts were coupled with changes that will end funding to women's organizations that do lobbying, advocacy or research on rights issues, and the closure of most of the federal agency's regional offices.

The Women Are Angry site is part of what Hussey hopes will be a groundswell of vocal criticism that will engage the public and convince Ottawa to restore - and ultimately improve - Status of Women Canada.

Audra Williams, who runs statusreport.ca - an online clearing house of information about Status of Women and ways to take action - says Canadians need to see the funding cuts as the "writing on the wall."

"It's important to realize that minister Oda is in charge of Status of Women Canada and it seems to be an agency she feels should not exist," says Williams, who runs a small communications business in Halifax focusing on activism and independent businesses.

"Anytime you can steer conversation towards an important issue and follow that up with what you can do, that's super valuable."

Oda says she hasn't visited either website, but she argues the cuts will make the agency more efficient and better position it to help women in their everyday lives.

She says the widely used 29-cent figure featured on Hussey's site is proof that it's time for action, not research, and she says that's where the money saved from the cuts will go.

"There's been a lot of research," she says. "So when you look at millions of dollars that has gone to studying, we believe that now is the time to start doing something about the facts that we know."

Oda insists her government will instead fund organizations and programs she says more directly affect women. Those could include the YWCA and the Salvation Army, or programs that encourage women to enter professions traditionally dominated by men.

But Oda's arguments have done little to calm fierce criticism from political opposition, women's groups, academics and others who say the cuts represent a step backward for women.

"A lot of this machinery was built up in the 1970s, and it really was cutting edge," says Alexandra Dobrowolsky, head of the political science department at Saint Mary's University in Halifax.

"But over the years, we've seen more cutbacks and these last set of cutbacks have really been devastating."

Dobrowolsky, whose has received money from Status of Women in the past, says the agency has funded research that is vital to identifying unique problems facing women in Canada, and finding ways to address them.

"It's not accurate at all to say this research is going nowhere," she says. "You're sparking a lot of debate and you're getting people mobilized."

While it was the recent funding cuts that prompted Hussey to start her website, she says restoring the money isn't the only thing that needs to change.

"We're not just saying if the budget cuts were reversed everything would be fine - the status quo isn't going to work either," she says.

"There were things that predate the cuts that were certainly reasons to be angry. We really needed to see action at the federal and provincial levels prior to the budget cuts."
 
Lorrie, you've been in my thoughts so much this week. Hope all is well.
 
Connie, thanks for asking. Yesterday I went to court again to get the protective order made permanent, a very unpleasant but necessary experiance.Most scary was that he was there and had drasticly changed his appearance. Tomorrow he will come to the house with a police officer to pick up the last of his belongings. I have been able to get a small loan from my family to repair the financial damage to the store and then got a wonderful order that should help fill the coffers again. Things are looking up, still locking the doors all the time but I feel much better and am looking forward to 2007!
 
God bless you, Lorrie. Your story just makes me cry. Please, please let me know what I can do to help. That's not just an idle statement, but from the heart!
 
Love & Prayers For Lorrie

Lorrie,

I am so proud of you for standing up to your abuser and obtaining the FRO. You have great courage and strength to put this relationship behind you. Keep vigiliant and never let your guard down. The fact that your abuser is changing his appearance is great cause for concern. He doesn't want you to recognize him. You and I have talked at great length about your safety. Please keep in touch and call me anytime if you need to talk or a shoulder to lean on. I am here for you 24/7. God bless you, Lorrie. I pray for you daily and hope the holiday season is joyous and peaceful for you!
 
Lorrie,

I am so proud of you for standing up to your abuser and obtaining the FRO. You have great courage and strength to put this relationship behind you. Keep vigiliant and never let your guard down. The fact that your abuser is changing his appearance is great cause for concern. He doesn't want you to recognize him. You and I have talked at great length about your safety. Please keep in touch and call me anytime if you need to talk or a shoulder to lean on. I am here for you 24/7. God bless you, Lorrie. I pray for you daily and hope the holiday season is joyous and peaceful for you!
Lorrie,

I know this is an old thread but I was thinking about you, and hoping your life has gotten a little easier and happier since you last posted about this.

Beth :~)
 
You remain in my prayers, Lorrie. In each of your posts, I see you spirit and courage, and I pray for your well-being, for safety and peace of mind.
 
Thank you for your good thoughts! I am actually doing so much better. From what I hear he is in the state hospital.
I actually had a very nice holiday season alone and have gotten the house and store back in order. I'm feeling better and my health has improved dramaticly. And- I have actually gone on a few dates! So I'm sure the healing will take some more time, but at least I am MUCH better off alone. I'll really be able to concentrate on the floral holidays this year in a way I never could before. Thank you all for your support especially Navybrat and Sher, there is nothing like friends! Hugs...
 
Lorrie,

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. You are always in my prayers. I will call you before V-Day...or call me if you need to chat with a friend who cares. Your courage and strength in moving on is magnificent! Keep safe and happy! You deserve the best in life!
 
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