Today A Mother’s Heart Breaks….
- Thread starter Dorothy
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BOSS
FlowerChat Administrator
Dorothy, my heartfelt thoughts go out to you.
TUFF Love... is just that...tough. I think it got it's name because it's tough on the parents more than it is on the kidZ... Trust me, I know, I've *had* to kick out my two oldest at least once each...
Thank God they are turning into fine young adults all these years later...
Trust your judgment, no it's not easy, yes it sux and yes, you will doubt your decision at times, but you have to do what you have to do for you first!
TUFF Love... is just that...tough. I think it got it's name because it's tough on the parents more than it is on the kidZ... Trust me, I know, I've *had* to kick out my two oldest at least once each...
Thank God they are turning into fine young adults all these years later...
Trust your judgment, no it's not easy, yes it sux and yes, you will doubt your decision at times, but you have to do what you have to do for you first!
avenuegardensflorist
Well-Known Member
...
...dang, and right here at MD. I feel for what you are going through but you have to take the stand of what you feel is best.
I was sitting here thinking about how hard headed I was at that age and trying to figure out why??? Who knows why some of us go through this stage and some kids are a dream. Good luck and keep your head held high! ----no matter. Never feel guilty of your convictions.
...dang, and right here at MD. I feel for what you are going through but you have to take the stand of what you feel is best.
I was sitting here thinking about how hard headed I was at that age and trying to figure out why??? Who knows why some of us go through this stage and some kids are a dream. Good luck and keep your head held high! ----no matter. Never feel guilty of your convictions.
Tracy D'Amico
Well-Known Member
Dorothy,
No great words of wisdom here. But I do know what it feels like to love my children completely but to not like them one bit. I admire you for doing your mothering with the determination to make your child the best they can be. It's tough and you, of all moms, deserve a peace-filled Mother's Day. Comforting thoughts go out to you as you wait for them to grow through their "stuff".
No great words of wisdom here. But I do know what it feels like to love my children completely but to not like them one bit. I admire you for doing your mothering with the determination to make your child the best they can be. It's tough and you, of all moms, deserve a peace-filled Mother's Day. Comforting thoughts go out to you as you wait for them to grow through their "stuff".
Knife's Wife
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- Apr 16, 2005
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Sarah Botchick
Well-Known Member
I have no parental words of advice to offer, but I can offer my sympathies and thoughts to you during a difficult time. My parents never had to do anything that drastic, but we had "normal" teenage difficulties. Many times I thought they were the worst parents in the world. I have later thanked them, and realized they were the best parents anyone could ask for. I wish I could take back the stuff I thought and said. I hope the same proves true for you and your daughter.
Mother's Day isn't just for celebrating the happy decisions a mom makes... it's also to honour those most difficult choices. Take care Dorothy.
V
V
Dear Dorothy, Never doubt that you are a good Mom. Take this time to take care of YOU...some great reading is anything written by Marianne Williamson. I had to sign my son over to the county to get him help at that age. He went away for almost a year. But thank God he is alive and healthy with a great job and two beautiful daughters. Prayers for you and all the family. Patty
Mikey the Flower Guy
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Palms
Well-Known Member
Dorothy, I hope things turn out ok. Just remember that not all people handle growing up as well as others. I found it very difficult in my teens and I am sure there were some that said that i was out of control, and i too had to go and live elsewhere. I personally was screaming for attention i lost after a bitter divorce. Sometimes i have to say i wish my mum would have been tougher and handled me better but there is no rule book. We are soooo close now though so there is light at the end of the tunnel! Please remember though while she may look like she is out of control, maybe she doesnt know how to handle every day stuff...
Here for you if you need to chat!!
Here for you if you need to chat!!
LORRIE
New Member
Dorothy, Prayers for peace for you and your daughter. 14 is such a difficult age, they don't understand themselves but think they are all grown up. Consequences don't exist. Mine drove me crazy from 13 to 16. Now I'm happy to report a return to civilization for the most part.
Hugs,
Lorrie
Hugs,
Lorrie
Thank you EVERYBODY for taking time to read this thread and responding with your very kind words of encouragement. I needed 'em!!
Joei, my daughter, is safely at her dad's and we've been communicating daily by phone/email. She's happy...her dad's spending a bunch of moola on her - making up for lost time, I suppose.
Joei was only 3 years old when her dad and I broke up. Then, there was a 1 1/2 year long custody battle over her. He finally gave up when he realized his female lawyer wasn't going to back him up "for free on principle." During the battle one day, he drove over 10 hours out here and while I was out with my other daughter (my son was watching over Joei), he scooped Joei up from a neighbor's yard and whisked her away, no clothes, no shoes, and she was wearing only a swimming suit. I didn't see her for over 2 months! She was only 3 1/2....
After custody was finalized, he would always refuse to bring her home again after a visitation. He's moved without telling me the address, etc., etc. I had to leave my job on a work day (I worked every Saturday then), in the dead of winter and drive to his town in Lethbridge, Alberta from here in the Okanagan (BC) more than once. Otherwise he would have just kept her.
Finally in 2005, after refusing again to return her home, I sought the court's assistance. I had asked only that my daughter be returned immediately, however the judge chose to suspend his access all together. Joei was 10 years old.
BTW: I had to represent myself in court because I couldn't find a lawyer on short notice who would help me. The court staff helped fill out the papers and file them, ensuring I got everything "in" one time - it was a Friday no less and a judge agreed to travel from another community just to hear my case. Yes, I sent a beautiful bouquet of flowers to the staff from my shop afterwards!
I tell you all this because even though Joei's dad has been, well, a pr***k and hasn't helped much with co-parenting ever and hasn't at all in the last four years, and as hard as this decision was to make, I know deep down in my heart that he loves her greatly and I just have to trust that he will ensure that no harm comes to her.
I'm quite sure some of Joei's issues are centered around her missing her dad and having a (proper) relationship with him. So, if this change helps her in the long run then that's all I can hope for.
Financially her dad is more than capable of taking care of her basic needs and them some. Hopefully, everything will work out.
Today I received a Mother's Day card in the mail from my oldest daughter, Jasi. Boy, did it brighten my day AND brought tears to my eyes:
Dear Mom,
I just wanted
to take time out today
to remind you
that you're very important
in my life
and you always will be.
For as long
as I can remember,
you've given me
the best gift of all -
the gift of love...
And on this special day,
I just wanted to tell you -
I love you, too.
Happy Mother's Day
Personal msg:
"Mom, the card pretty much says it all! I do love you very much. I hope you will come up very soon to see me! I miss you! Jasi xoxox"
Thanks again for everything you guys.
~ Dorothy
P.S. I spent Mother's Day alone in the flowerbed, pulling weeds, smelling the earth and letting tears roll.....in a strange way it all felt so good, so right.
Joei, my daughter, is safely at her dad's and we've been communicating daily by phone/email. She's happy...her dad's spending a bunch of moola on her - making up for lost time, I suppose.
Joei was only 3 years old when her dad and I broke up. Then, there was a 1 1/2 year long custody battle over her. He finally gave up when he realized his female lawyer wasn't going to back him up "for free on principle." During the battle one day, he drove over 10 hours out here and while I was out with my other daughter (my son was watching over Joei), he scooped Joei up from a neighbor's yard and whisked her away, no clothes, no shoes, and she was wearing only a swimming suit. I didn't see her for over 2 months! She was only 3 1/2....
After custody was finalized, he would always refuse to bring her home again after a visitation. He's moved without telling me the address, etc., etc. I had to leave my job on a work day (I worked every Saturday then), in the dead of winter and drive to his town in Lethbridge, Alberta from here in the Okanagan (BC) more than once. Otherwise he would have just kept her.
Finally in 2005, after refusing again to return her home, I sought the court's assistance. I had asked only that my daughter be returned immediately, however the judge chose to suspend his access all together. Joei was 10 years old.
BTW: I had to represent myself in court because I couldn't find a lawyer on short notice who would help me. The court staff helped fill out the papers and file them, ensuring I got everything "in" one time - it was a Friday no less and a judge agreed to travel from another community just to hear my case. Yes, I sent a beautiful bouquet of flowers to the staff from my shop afterwards!
I tell you all this because even though Joei's dad has been, well, a pr***k and hasn't helped much with co-parenting ever and hasn't at all in the last four years, and as hard as this decision was to make, I know deep down in my heart that he loves her greatly and I just have to trust that he will ensure that no harm comes to her.
I'm quite sure some of Joei's issues are centered around her missing her dad and having a (proper) relationship with him. So, if this change helps her in the long run then that's all I can hope for.
Financially her dad is more than capable of taking care of her basic needs and them some. Hopefully, everything will work out.
Today I received a Mother's Day card in the mail from my oldest daughter, Jasi. Boy, did it brighten my day AND brought tears to my eyes:
Dear Mom,
I just wanted
to take time out today
to remind you
that you're very important
in my life
and you always will be.
For as long
as I can remember,
you've given me
the best gift of all -
the gift of love...
And on this special day,
I just wanted to tell you -
I love you, too.
Happy Mother's Day
Personal msg:
"Mom, the card pretty much says it all! I do love you very much. I hope you will come up very soon to see me! I miss you! Jasi xoxox"
Thanks again for everything you guys.
~ Dorothy
P.S. I spent Mother's Day alone in the flowerbed, pulling weeds, smelling the earth and letting tears roll.....in a strange way it all felt so good, so right.
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