Doug, I agree on principle everything you have outlined.
For many years I asked florist's "Why?". Why do you belong to the wire service if it's so horrible? The answer was always the same, "We need the sales." I think part of this problem is righting itself as florists who only relied on wired in orders for the majority of their "sales" have closed their doors.
You ask if fulfillers are too naive to simply refuse orders that will cost them money. IMO, any gathered order is going to cost more than the average filler can afford. Incremental income does not cover rising fixed expenses and florists DO know this, it has just taken Oregon to rise to the challenge.
Florists apparently WANT that incremental income, and you certainly want them to continue filling your orders. As in any free market, there HAS to be some governance though. That governance would traditionally fall on the wire services, who are the facilitator between you and the filler.
Unfortunately, the wire services have only governed the filler, and let the gatherers play at will with little or no interference. We can take this right back to merry old England when there were titled gentry (I know, there still are), who owned large tracts of land. They hired overseers to manage that land, and the land was farmed by tenants. Do you honestly suggest that the tenants should have just gone off to buy their own piece of land to farm? I know to my mind that would be ideal but the reality is they could not afford to or they would have. Would you call that naivety or survival?
It's the same as unions. I do not care for unions myself, and would not take a job where I had to belong to one or not work in my field. However, at the time they were conceived of, they were very necessary and did their job. They brought fairness and safety to those who work for others. As with most things, instead of going away after doing the job, unions grew into their own money-hungry monsters. (jmo, that opinion isn't going away) It would not have been necessary if those employers would have treated their workers fairly to begin with.
That's why I would favor a slightly different approach to laws seeking to govern this issue. Ideal to me would be for every order to be spelled out to the consumer in separate lines on their invoice. Flowers -$29.99, florist delivery $10, facilitator service fee, whatever. They can charge $100 service charge for all I care, doesn't need a cap at all. But at least the consumer knows exactly what they are paying for in each part of the transaction. I would have liked to see the wire services deal with this in house, but they play the same game in deceit. Somebody has to step in for the tenant and clearly the Lord and the overseer are only about themselves. It's too bad.